yanni; kambing_belo

1) She never ceases to amaze me
2) We're still in love with each other
3) I loveee yanni sumarno
4) she loves me back (:
5) we texted each other at the sama masa (same time) today

actions vs intentions

I wish that for just once in my life, i can wake up feeling like i'm a good, selfless person. Someone who can give and give, yet hope for nothing in return.

I'm only human. I give all that I can and hope with all my heart that somewhere along the way, someone would do something nice for me too, especially when i need it most.

I hate it when at the back of my mind, there's this tiny, lousy voice screaming shamelessly; "what about meee???" as i try my hardest to suppress and smother it to death.

hello again

Today has been incredibly frustrating. Yuck. I've never been sloppier.

Anyway, I like this song, by Jason Mraz. It's infinitely, sexily, lets-roll-in-the-mud-and-pee kinda "clean". Don't judge me! I fell in love with the tune - and only after that did i realise what the song is all really about. After that, there's no backing out cause the tune's stuck in my head. Mraz's lyrics are always very complicated (yet still disarming) so in my head it's all doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-dut-dut and no words, at all. It's so hard to remember the lyrics! Ok, i'm rambling.

Butterfly - Jason Mraz

Taking a moment just imagining
that i'm dancing with you
I'm your pole and all you're
wearing is your shoes
You've got soul,
you know what to do to turn me on
until I write a song about you
And you have
your own engaging style,
you've got the knack to vivify
And you make my
slacks a little tight,
you may unfasten them if you like
That's if you crash and spend the night

Anyway, I can type on the computer with my eyes close now! I've always wanted to do that.

I want to blog about alot of things... But i can't seem to find the drive or desire to regale my tales of nothinacities (it's not even a word so dont bother checking out the meaning) here on broccolee anymore.

My deepest fear is to go on a date and come across as a total and complete bore.

How is one supposed to avoid making this irreversible mistake? Sometimes you're just nervous, right? And you don't want to say the wrong things so you end up keeping mum, and instead come across as all self-conscious. Sometimes you just don't agree and you want to speak out and present your point but you're just too afraid to antagonize and come across as all pushy, (I've been accused of being pushy one time too many so i'm trying to be less aggressive ok... work with me here!) demanding and just plain hard to get along with!

So after all that effort i put in trying not to do what people in general don't like me to do, I end up being a bore. Hrumph. I'd rather be obese/pimply/ugly...whatever else really; JUST NOT BOOORING.That's a big blow to my teeny tiny ego, seriously. I'm overreacting, aren't I? Hahaha.

I miss working! I miss waking up and knowing where I have to go and what I have to do for the day. I like routine! It feels stable. OMG THAT'S IT. I AM INDEED, OFFICIALLY A BORE. Whatdyaknow. You learn something new each day :)

2008 will end with a "poot"

My dear Mozzer.

My mama is so funny.

As usual, my morning routine (the moment I wake up) is to smell my armpits, brush my teeth and weigh myself.

So, when I was about to weigh myself, mama was at the living room, reading the morning paper when she suddenly bellowed, "WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?? GOING OUT AGAIN?"

Awww, she's missed me! Hahaha. I is so very the touched. I wasn't heading out, no, I just didn't change out of yesterday's clothes when I got back. Eww, I know. I suppose that makes me very germy. I don't care. So i went.. "Why, you've missed me riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight," in my annoying trademark tone. My mother just smiled. Rare occasion, btw, because she seems to think she's scarier when she smiles.

Ok, now she's gonna help me renew my passport! For my trip with Mak Noor. I hope the office will let me take leave. I'm just an intern what!

little steps of agony! yay!

I have a great idea for my new exercise plan.
See, I'm gonna bring the "art" of walking to a whole new level.

Walking is an easy enough task (I thank God everyday for this blessed' gift of walking). So I'm gonna up the level of intensity. I'm gonna do it in 4-inch heels, 5 km of walking, one full hour of standing (and doing the $1000-note-between-your-butt-clench), 5 days in a row. I've got my eyes set on a lovely pair. Ha. It'll be a good investment. My exercises will start in January 09'. I hope this means my legs will start looking less like tree stumps, without compromising the state of my feet. I have like a thousand blisters already.

Oh yes, i'm dead sure it's gonna be worth all that pain. Wearing heels gives you better posture too - meaning, I feel like my tummy gets automatically sucked in.

Did I mention one other thing? I LOVE MY JOB :)

dfsgsjfahjgfyahgdhgfyf

I think you're pure evil. Brilliant, yet so evil.

But you wouldn't care about what I think anyway,

making it redundant for me to even have thoughts about you.

Fancy that, such power over my mind.

I've become incredibly good at summarising. Haha, no more lengthy entries!

I'm getting tired of the net. So i only use it when I happen to be connected (read: at work)

Our lips, so sealed.

Still, there's obviously a good reason why this will never happen.

Life really has a way of surprising you.
Just wait. And when it comes, enjoy the moment & be surprised :)

It can be better, nevertheless.
I'll do everything i can to make sure it gets better.

office quickie

Had such high expectations of life after A's. How naive. In my head, everything's supposed to be peachy. Me-wise, boys-wise. Work and activity-wise. If i were a boy, i'd probably have NS to look forward to? Er maybe not la.

I'm at work now. I have lots of things to read and do... and follow up on.

Everybody goes for lunch alone here. Deadlines deadlines! How to make new friends like that?

Haha... I don't meet dates. I meet deadlines. Perfect. And my family's off, having fun eating and stuff. And my sisters will have pajama parties in their hotel room.

I should stop complaining and being so grouchy.

Another book just came in to be reviewed. Yums.

Why not take a little river, turn it into a lake.

I have more than just a few blogs. Some of which that I have forgotten about, even. It's hardly necessary! Ha. I wonder what that says about me as a person?

Tomorrow's Monday. Shucks. I need to catch up on sleep. I get the feeling that I'll be working late, and then come home to an empty house. Ah... Good practise for my future. Might as well get used to it. Which reminds me... I need to sort out my wardrobe, again, after my mom's generosity yesterday. Hey everybody, let's welcome the week ahead with a smile and lots of positive thoughts :)

Beneath the obvious.

It's been 2 days. I hate the morning train rides. I never knew that one has to be super-model thin, oh wait, no, actually, you must be liquidified, to be able to squeeze on the tube. YESS, i know that i like to be hugged but i swear, the morning breath of a thousand crammed into one cabin is the shittiest way to start a morning. 10 years of walking to school has made me completely oblivious as to how vicious and ridiculous morning train services can be.

Driving lessons should have come first, then only start work. Put a downpayment on a car too. Alternatively, generate enough $$ for cab fare everyday. Better still, be your own boss and stroll into work any friggin time you please, beating all the silly goverment trappings; ERP and what nots.

Work has been deliciously good. I learn so much everyday & I'm perpetually on Google News. I've only been working for approx 18 hours & I'm hooked! There's just so much news. And the best part about online news is that the headlines tell you everything. So far, i've gotten my first byline, which they will run in next month's print! And I'm currently working on an original story. OMG, I AM CHASING A STORY!!! *squeals. Okay, its nothing glamourous. It's about "strategic hiring" - something completely brand new to me. Plus, the editor made me an author on their blog. My impeccable blogging skills have finally paid off. Hehe

Lunch can get lonely sometimes. Food is expensive around Bugis area, so I shall devise a plan to cut down on expenses... starting with Mentos! I cant afford lime mint mentos from 7-eleven daily on an intern's pay! People at the office are busy bees, rushing their butts off to meet deadlines and clinch exclusives before the end of year hols. Please let another intern come in and keep me company by Jan.

It might have only been two days... but i hope my enthusiam will last forever. I'd really like to pursue this. Maybe i'll finally passionately love something, forever.

To be honest, I love it cause it takes up so much of my time. Whenever there's a breaking news related to our department, even the lowly intern stays overtime (without pay, mind you) to cover it before it becomes outdated. Unlike history, news bulletins have a damn short lifespan. Unlike others, my life has been reduced to shopping.

I can't follow my family off to KL for a shopping/eating/sleeping and car-ride holiday. I'll be working. They'll be gone for 3 nights.

My heart breaks. I'll be home alone. Which counts for nothing when you're single and no party animal, by the way.

I'm tired, but satisfied with work today :) I can't leave the link to the magazine websites here because I don't want anybody from the office tracking my blog down...

Outrageous, in those killer heels.

She's in one of those "thank-god-i-bought-you-moods". When someone goes all Mariah Carey on their new purchases-- meaning singing;

Thank God I BOUGHT you
I was lost without you
My every wish and every dream
Somehow became reality
When you brought the sunlight
Completed my whole life
I'm overwhelmed with gratitude
Cause baby I'm so thankful I BOUGHT you

...you know for sure that they've just sunk to an untouchable low. Nevertheless, she finds joy in the "rrruuuussshhh" buying promotes. She is dead pleased and smug with her latest "investment", which will leave her crippled for the rest of the month leading up to her first measly pay (which she vowed not to complain about, because the experience is worth it- or so she seems to believe).

Now let's take a peek at Nasirah's damn sweet side...

OMG, yes, that's a kid, who actually LIKES me. YES, ME!

She's my little cousin who only warmed up to me after 5 years.

Imagine, we only live a few streets away.

If that doesn't prove how terrible i am with kids then i dunno what can...

But she loves me now! :D

The power of a child's innocence.

She kissed me all over my face earlier today & i melted like butterscotch.

Ok, i am fit enough (as in cukup sifat, tak evil lagi) to get married already.

Hahaha.

ex-files.

I had a vision of how i'd spend my current december,
This time, last year, completely unencumbered
I pictured us spending the holidays happily,
in much adored and delectable company.
It never seemed like a far-fetched tale,
It seemed unlikely that "us" could prematurely fail.
So here I am,
armed with plans,
with reels of supposed idealistic memories
and nowhere near you.
Perhaps that's just it. Those were MY plans, with you.
Yours didn't include me.
I should just get over it. Its been too long.
Just, play.
on.

I AM SOOOOOO HAPPY.

AN INTERNSHIP POSITION WITH ___________ PUBLICATIONS, HR magazine!

I DON'T EVEN CARE IF THEY DON'T PAY ME A SINGLE CENT! (but shhh, they are still paying laa, just not much)

YAYYYYY!!! She said i get to go on press conferences and everything. Omgomg, i hope i'll be able to understand what's happening! & I start after Hari Raya Haji!

It's been so tough competing with Poly students for positions and i reaaally must thank my lucky stars for that afternoon when i bumped into Zilah who put me in touch with the editor, so THANK YOU! Plus, she sounds lovely on the phone. So yay! Haha, now please please PLEASE let me meet a journalist. A guy, ok, a guy. Is that asking for too much?

What's this man.

Plenty happened in such a compact amount of time & i really just don't know where to begin. It's all so surreal and just, well, i'm still in the process of digesting it all. I'd probably keel over & dehydrate to death in the midst of trying to record it all down. I'm not even talking about the worldly woes, no, just those in my own personal world. I'm scared. I guess?

I'm hi-lighting some things, for my own future reference and if you happen to read then yay, i've just shared with you too :) Don't worry, just the light, fluffy stuff which i will forget in time... since unhappiness seems to be more impressionistic anyway. Happiness just simply pales in comparison. Maybe its just me?

1) Shit can weigh up to 600g, you know?! I'm looking at the process of shitting in wonderment & awe. Does it mean that we carry the waste around all day until it finally decides to discharge itself from the respective designated outlets (ass/anus/pee-hole etc)?

2) I am addicted to my new digital weighing machine & i wish it shows my weight up to 3 dec places. I weigh myself everytime after i drink water & after i leave the toilet and i think about weighing myself when i'm out too. Gawd. I am veh-rhee seeeek in ze 'ead.

3) My journalism course was super duperly fantabulous... except that i didn't meet any guys- because THERE WERE NONE. So much for meeting some guy who shares my interest. I was so looking forward to journalistic sex (read: after holy matrimony, with lots of karma sutra copies... for a feature article on it afterwards)!!!! Nevertheless, the ladies i met are wonderful! Meeting new people, regardless of age, language, religion and most importantly... REGARDLESS OF GENDER can be such a delightful experience, if you just open up and take them all in- just try not to be too judgemental, too fast, too soon. I definitely learnt not to be, this time around. I'm very proud of my first act of perceived "maturity" as a 19-year-old. Heh.

4) I love my sisters so much & i hope nothing will harm them, ever. Only i am allowed to inflict any sort of pain on them, sigh. (elaboration denied)

5) I like being alone but i can't stand it if my hp gets lonely. How now brown cow.... wahlao!

I'm dead beat. Haven't been sleeping at all. No wonder i'm getting heavier man. The best way to lose weight is to sleep everytime ur hungry. Really...truly, madly, deeply. Go ponder, it really makes sense.