sugar-nated

by Stella Im Hultberg

Sugar seems to have an adverse effect on me.

I am now dead tired instead of hyper.

Farah's nutella bread, cococrunch, Oreopeppermint.

Followed by beard papa cream puffs later in the afternoon.

My tummy's gurgling like an adorable baby. NOT.

It's just deceiving me into thinking i'm too ill to carry on with Lit.

I cannot write anymore.

I want to, but i can't.

Everything is restricted, one way or another.

Time sprints and left me way back.

I haven't started. It's freaking me out. I need to be taught how to study, dammit. I walk around school in a daze with my already sepet eyes half shut. Start now!!! I hear you. I try, my goodness, with every fibre in my being.

Sunday spelled awesome. Himself played The Hannah Montana Rockstar challenge and some dress up dolly games with me, after our gruelling study session. Haha. Now people know that my boyfriend plays sissy games. It rained and we sailed another paper boat. Yes, i enjoy all things trivial and silly.

"Eh, eh, let's make this girl look like you.. give her your hair, ur skin
colour! Oh wow, SO PRETTY!"

You made me smile so wide and so happily till i choked on my own excitement.

Sometimes i think you're just the most amazing thing ever and i want to gush over you every second of the day. Oh well.

---

I like sleeping. It takes you places. It's just comforting to know how a few hours can bring such pleasure. It's just harmless escape, no?

Sketches.

Himself sketched this.

He claims it's not us.

I can tell it's me though. See.

Fatty thighs.

We're just ordinary people.

& we'd have to take things slow.

(:

wired, weird

I simply cannot get ''Brokeback Mountain'' out of my head- no not because one of them recently passed away. Huge co-incidence, the fact that i picked up that paperback while waiting and read some gay sex. The guy wasn't dead then...yet. It was one day before his unfortunate departure, i believe. Tell me his name, if you know. I'm too lazy to Google it.

On paper, the scene is magnified in the most intense way, ever. Curiosity killed my sexuality. I have none left whatsoever. I am now asexual.

Check on me.

Numerous things took place this week. I can’t seem to recall much except of course, Tuesday was a totally different thing altogether.

I amazed myself on Thursday. Farah and I rushed back to school all the way from Chinatown (Lit heritage trip) after adopting Chinese names (haha, so funny) to clock in our detention hours. You see our school system insists on executing punishment rightaway. Serving detention means signing on the sheet at 6.00pm sharp, at the General Office. Late one minute and you get whole day suspension the following morning. The crime committed? We skipped PE, baby. So, since we had less than an hour to make it by six, I swear Farah and I were in such a frenzy. We sprinted all the way to school.

My girly love.

My god, no wonder I’m so thin already. BUT WE MADE IT.

Mid-week midnights.

I admit that when it comes to people, I can be rather irrational.

Take my boyfriend, Himself, for example. I wanted to pledge my kidneys to him the moment I saw him in the canteen, many many months after our first introduction (which had no effect on me whatsoever, I forgot all about him 7 seconds later). Silly, I know. I’ll let you in on a secret- I planned our wedding and picked out our honeymoon destinations all within the space of that crucial 20 seconds too. We knew nothing about each other then. It wasn’t the way he looked. It was just some weird attraction that possessed me to DO SOMETHING. I’m glad I did. Though i think i no longer want to marry him now. I'm a realist. But who knows, eh?

And other times, I dislike people for no justifiable reason. I hope to be cured of this, actually.

It may be that mole on their face or the way the tone of their voice make me want to kick the gazoongas out of them. Sometimes it’s the irritating i-think-I’m-hot-and-pretty photos they upload on their blogs. Now, let me clarify- these photos tend to be typically of them, alone, all same poses with their ugly pouts that really does nothing to enhance their already slappable face. But know what? Most of the time, it’s really just the way they roll their eyes. Roll it one more time- I’ll dig my nails into your sockets and play ping pong with those things you used to see the world with, princess.

In general, though? I like people- very much indeed (: Well, at least on the superficial level.

On repeat mode.

It's been what, two, three weeks of school? I'm beginning to see an uncanny pattern in my week. Sure, a proper routine is good- i guess?

This week.

Monday

McDonald's breakfast waffles and a late start at school. Bubbletea for lunch with the girls and by 5.05pm i'm dead after PE.

Tuesday

Lazing on beanbags during breaks at the student clubhouse and home afterwards. Oh, this week i came back to school at around 5 plus under the false pretense of going to the library but i actually needed to catch Himself after classes. Got more than i bargained for. Saw Eddy! A part of me teared for him and the rest of me cried for myself. Now who's gonna skip classes with me?

Wednesday

One of the shorter days of the week. Rushed to Orchard to catch Asmara and Shikin. They are so... adult! Relief teaching now. Story telling time. Kids are nasty. Adult fares are nastier, i guess!Three years to do A's? I'm beginning to second-guess myself. Why am i even attempting this?

Thursday

Oho. PE, History and yadda yadda. Thursdays always wear me out, no matter how short the school day may be. I used to believe that Thursdays are bad because of the long hours. How mistaken.

Friday

Met Himself, stole BK coupons for extra kicks, ate and used the remaining good quality paper to fold our 4th "love boat" and i finally got to sail them at a nearby longkang. It sailed into the sunset... our boat- before it capsized, that is. Romantic, no?

Saturday

Let's study. I think i will. Yes, i must. Focus focus. Ignore phone vibrations. Er, ok, quick lunch out won't hurt.

Sunday

Uh, that's tomorrow. I have a feeling somthing good is to happen tomorrow. Last Sunday was yummy.

Toodles, now. I am such a bore.

My man's what a man's supposed to be.

Sometimes, I imagine the world without you.

Most times, I'm so happy that note got through (it started from a piece of paper).

It's no complicated web

That i weave inside my head

I'm not getting any highs-

just digging the lows.

Still addicted to your ways,

So let's save each other from emotional days.

50-50 by Langston Hughes

I’m all alone in this world, she said,
Ain’t got nobody to share my bed,
Ain’t got nobody to hold my hand—
The truth of the matter’s
I ain’t got no man.


Big Boy opened his mouth and said,
Trouble with you is
You ain’t got no head!
If you had a head and used your mind
You could have me with you
All the time.


She answered, Babe, what must I do?


He said, Share your bed—
And your money, too.

Love changes little of what has been deeply ingrained in us.
Delusionalize yourself if you will.
Truth is, what you've always believed in stays.

Revelation.

It is a truth universally acknowledged that we are two, extremely different people from opposite ends of the galaxy, coming together to make babies on Facebook. Himself and I were talking about school, responsibilities and whatnots yesterday evening. Double captainship in one day. Are you like hot or what?

& so, while Himself will be busy, being a slave to sports and team events and everything that I am against, I will have plenty of time to do things that I enjoy; namely eat, Eat and EAT some more. Oh and drink too of course. I can spend my Saturday afternoons sipping lattes and doing Literature (Ya-ya, more like sit at McDonalds alone and then stuff my face with fries and lime juice) This of course made Himself wonder what his girlfriend here is really interested in besides all things mundane, girlish and expensive. & so I thought for awhile, wondering what I used to be so enthusiastic about before.

I told him, rather reproachfully that I used to love debating, a whole lot.

My dearest blinked and fainted, I think.

“You’re a nerd!” he exclaimed.

Yes, it made me realize that I probably am, at heart, a nerd, though maybe just a half-nerd. Himself is of course, a total full-fledged jock. How much more different can we be? Haha.

Of course, being the encouraging person that he is, Himself told me to go for it- join the MI debating team. That's just crazy talk, of course. I cannot imagine sitting in a room full of the highly intellectuals who think they are above everybody else. They’d probably think I’m a worthless dumbdumb and wouldn’t even spare 2 seconds to hear my take on the motion.

Perhaps I’m just making assumptions but I am very sure that the debating team in MI is far different from the likes of Samantha, Yanni, Joshua, Jonathan and Zaf- the people I used to love so much. Together we learned. And together we tried to achieve as a team, preying on our individual strengths and trumping our weaknesses.

Oh well. It’s too late anyway, isn’t it? I have far more pressing matters to attend to at hand. Besides, I’m sure Himself would rather I kick my legs up high and get some exercise out of say… CHEERLEADING? Hahaha.

Oh, before i sign off, let's meet our latest experiment, Rahrah- the Facebook baby

"Imma junior rugger! Mummy wants me to do ballet though. "

I'll show you the scenario

Yesterday was the happiest Monday, ever. The best that i've had in like... ages, i think. The day after is followed by....

silly smiles to myself and occasional giggles like a siow person during IRP... plus 2 Mars bars in front of the computer. My gawd, aren't you disgusting, Nas.

I'm gonna watch the rest of Pride & Prejudice later, i guess. I'm a school fool.


"I like you. Do you like me?"

"No way. I love you. But you're really smelly."

(:

& here it begins, again

School took me very much by suprise this year. I just miss the previous batch of third year students so so much, not like i know them personally or anything, but i guess i was very much comforted by the thought of them having to sit for the most major academic hurdle in the course that we chose first- rather than us, now, this year! Unbelievable.

School is affecting our meet ups and our moods. Huh. Just need some getting used to, i guess.

It's time to start moving but my mind refuses to work. And Econs seems so vulgar and unecessary. I just don't get it.

Cheers to the start of something new!

I already did one thing i've NEVER done before;
I ate at the nasi padang stall at Banquet the other day. Haha.

Goodbye.

Welcomed the new year with family, food. And fireworks from afar, on the 11th floor of Palazetto. Year in, year out. Pictures, i have, but it takes too much energy to upload.

Had my doze of Hugh Grant and Julia Roberts on Notting Hill afterward.

2008 came a bit too soon and it scares the shit out of me, thinking about what awaits this year. I miss last year already.

My resolution? I have none. What's the use anyway.

May things be better academically this year.

Spiritually, romantically and socially too, if possible. But i'm not really counting on it.

I surrender.

An extremely advanced happy 19th to me already. So old. So very old.