Of throw ups

I get a lot of nightmares these days. Mostly with regards to my throwing-up.

Like in this morning's episode, I dreamt that I couldn't close my mouth after throwing up. It just stayed in that exaggeratedly open position. I can't chew food, let alone throw it up after eating, since technically - i couldn't eat. Haha. Quite hilarious.

Been wrestling with the nlb's customer service hotline all morning, trying to retrieve my password and username to access the eResources. I can't remember what the answer to my secret question was: What's my bf's name? Yes, what an idiotic question. Knowing myself, the answer has got nothing to do with the question. I know i keyed in someone's hp number but the problem is... whose???

Okay. I have two vouchers for a spa massage, purchased on a whim. Anybody who wants to give their loved ones a treat, do contact me for more information. $100 for two. By The Ultimate. Yes, vouchers are fully transferable and the best part is: THERE'S NO EXPIRY DATE! So if you wanna treat your mom, your gf, your bf or your bestfriend, do let me know. $100 is really quite a steal for spa massages, as far as the rates go in Singapore (cause I got it along with some Bobbi Brown promotions a few months back). Their facilities are amazing. Check it out at http://www.theultimate.com.sg/ (I suggest you book the one at The Ultimate Penthouse Spa at Shaw Center for this one)

Go share it with your someone special.

Have a good Sunday. Gotta read up on Marcel Duchamp's toilet bowl eh I mean... "Fountain".

Hear, hear

Non-stop flow of shoppers today (Saturday). Busy weekend. I noticed a lot of things. Funny how people-watching is hardly ever boring.

1) The ones who come in with their families - are very unlikely to buy anything. They come in, try on alot of shit. Parade for family members including their bratty kids. And then walk out (usually leaving a huge mess)

2) Working women (alone) with designer bags and salon blow-dried hair - stroll in with their arms folded most of the time. Look at clothes, taking it all, with one long gaze. Then zoom straight to one rack and start picking out. Tend to enquire about sizes alot. Tend to make purchases.

3) Couples who are probably still schooling - very giggly. Like to hold clothes up against their loved one. Very touchy touchy also (with each other la). Always try to enter the dressing room together.

4) Couples who meet each other after work for a quick shopping session - usually with a fruit juice or some kind of beverage in hand. Not really interested in clothes. Only there to spend time with each other, window shopping. I think they're cute and endearing to watch.

5) Old retired aunties (wives of towkays?) - Like to talk and ask questions. Can machine wash? This one will expand or not? Can change the buttons to zip or not? Girl, you think this size I can wear?

6) Expats/foreigners - THEY ARE MY FAVOURITE GROUP OF PEOPLE. SO LOVELY TO SERVE. And so very patient. And it's easy to close sales with them. Cause maybe FCUK's cheaper in Sg?

Ok these six are the recurring ones. I think I do like working after all. As long as it keeps me occupied.

Twist, roll and get comfy.

So there, last thursday, on our synthetic field.
Twister, number game and overstretching after lessons.
This year's fasting has so far been more trying than usual.

You know, if they say that good things happen to good people, then bad things must happen to bad people, right? So does that mean I'm bad, since I can't seem to pinpoint to one sure sign of "good" present in life right now? Or have I become ungrateful and overlooked past my blessings in life? I know I'm greedy but surely not spoilt? Have I been expecting too much, too frequently?

I must be. Unless, I'm an awful person and karma's after me like a pack of hounds chasing salami. Either way, it's possible. Questions, questions!

Anyway, school's pretty good albeit the piling assignments and monotonous lecturers. Still, I wonder what it's like on the other side, yanoe?

Should sleep now.

Reading pleasure

Let's read this weekend
Enfolded in clean white sheets
So you can stain them.

***

Am so not looking forward to working next two days. And working for the rest of my life. Working just to live.

If I was a Robot

If you were a robot.
And me a washing machine,
we'd still be spinning different ways, won't we?

I'm only human and will stay human. But I love dancing with the beast.

Says Homer Simpson;

Just because I don't care

doesn't mean

I don't understand.

Futurism

Can I be married
To a man who paints poems
Blue red burgundy

(as seen on carcrashearts')

I don't like the stupid blank verse I wrote anymore. Thus, in the bin it went.

Deserted

I tried to see me
As you saw me months ago
That girl is not she.

Untitled (because many great artists have "untitled" works ha-ha)

I want to eat at Simpang. Roti john, anyone?

I don't like online shopping.
I don't like waiting for the stuff to arrive.
It's not exactly instant gratification, is it?

And I don't like this whole your-notes-is-on-the-blob shit. Would probably go fuck (or rather ram self into) a tree if we're really going completely paperless.

EDITED// Sunday, 23 Aug 12:41 am

So many dislikes. Lucky there are some things I DO like. Like them;

These two pictures are my absolute favourite. Can you see the chemistry between the Mongolian (Julian) and the Nepalese (Sanjay/new) guy? I looooike. Apparently, the mongolians and nepalese have a long history together. Geographically, i think? Whatever, if you're interested, go google. My blog provides information worse than Wiki.

From left, meet Aida, Zowie, (skip me), Gwen and Fara Khan!

Last but not least, Jerusha!

Okay, showboy, you happy now?? Pictures are up!

P/S: Pictures taken before our trip to the SAM (for assignment purposes) on 19/8, Wednesday. We met Vesna, our guide, who jellied up our brains.

One sweet day.

One day, I'm going to be the happiest person alive.
And it won't be because I bought a new bag.
One day.

Can you pack the rest of my happiness in a doggy bag, to go?

I'm just tired of having things being seemingly fine at the beginning, making me think that i'm settling in and everything, only to have the cosmic forces of this universe click one button and change everything as i'm beginning know it. Hey, I'm already being as adaptable as I possibly can but I swear, i cannot adapt to drastic changes every few weeks! This is beyond unfair. How fast am i expected to learn? How much faster am I expected to let go and adopt something new? Stop mind-fucking me already.

I think this is one hell of a year. It's worse than the last. Because at least last year, I got used to my misery. But this year? WOW. I get overly suspicious at every stab of delight. At the rate things are going, it's better to stay down. On the ground. Everytime I pick myself up I get slammed down anyway. TIRED OKAY.

And i wish she'd stop calling him Baby. Ish. Bukan awak punya!

Oh, anyway, my weekend was peppered with lots of girly company :) I can never seem to have a co-ed group of friends. WHYYYYYY?? Yeah I can see how this question will only piss off Brian.

EDITED @ 12.14am, 18th Aug 09//

I forgot to add that my weekend was fantastic. I really must dwell on the brighter spots in life, right?

Attended Eunice's 20th and Diah's 21st Liberation Party! You have no idea how happy I am, to have gotten to know Fath, Diah, Farisha and Juraidah a wee bit better after our MI days! And even Fath's brother too. Haha... you know what, Fath, I still dunno his name, since you introduced him to everyone as your chaperone/your no-life brother. HAHAHA.

So cheers to a more fulfilling life ahead, after your teenhood, babes. No more bad hair, no more oily break-outs, no more of all those adolescent crappy-ohs. Say hello to road tax, income tax and make sure you buy enough insurance to cover everything. Take no chances. Oh and and, in future, when you both have like birth certificates to show off, don't forget to invite the whole lot of us over for your baby shower, set? Omg, don't I give the best advice?? I hope you both had fun looking through the scrapbooks :)

P/S: Diah, I saw my face in the one they made for you too! LOL.


Gambar-gambar all up on my Mukabuku (Facebook, hahaha cracks me up) ya!

Eeee fugg remind me never to chop of hair again. PLEASE. I wanna keep it long. *promises self again*

Postcards for sale

Isn't yours too?

I just feel like blogging.

I think it really sucks when you can never be friends again with someone you used to love a whole lot. Who knew you better then them, right? For that period of time, at least. They'd be the first person you'd tell when you had a shitty day and the last person to stay & comfort you till you feel all better again.

And sometimes you feel like reaching out, yet knowing all the while it won't work out... but still tried anyway... only to fail and feel rejected all over again. It gets to me.

I still miss A sometimes. I don't think it's because I haven't moved on. It's a whole lot of dissatisfaction with how things between us had to turn out. It would be a lot more pleasant if we can be friends, if our efforts had actually produced something worthwhile, rather than nothing at all.

DAH HABIS.

Growing up

Before you can grow up, you must fall in love 3 times.

Once you must fall in love with your best friend, ruining your friendship forever. This will teach you who your true friends are, and the fine line between friendship and more.

Once you must fall in love with someone you believe to be perfect. You will learn that no one is perfect, and that you should never be treated as any less than you deserve.

And once you must fall in love with someone that is exactly like you. This will teach you about who you are, and who you want to be.

And when you’re through with all that, you learn that the people who care about you the most are the ones that you hurt, and the ones that hurt you are the ones you need most.

But most of all, you learn that love is only a concept and is not something that can be defined, it is different to each person that experiences it. And you will learn to respect each and every person on this earth, knowing that everyone only wants to be loved.

- Unknown

Read this on Zoe's and wanted to share :) Anyway, I'm really loving school and all the new people I met. It's like, we have the same taste in music (though I haven't found anyone who loves Mariah Carey like i do)! And we can yak on and on about movies, cry together while watching "UP" and best of all, we're gonna be learning so much together and from each other! Let's make the best out of everything. And have fun along the way.

Omg cannot believe I have to work tomorrow :/ I can't not work though. Oh well.

So today's actually National Day?

I think National Day sucks.

Not because I don't love Singapore. I love our transport system. I love our dependable shopping malls. The way we celebrate it is just so duhhh. The parade is redundant. So are the fireworks. The whole thing made me unbelievably sad. Was actually at Marina Square, City Hall area today, for the first time, on August 9th. I hate the bloody happy merry makers in red and white, congesting up every square inch of the place. Urgh. Like seriously, there isn't a need to be so happy. I felt so strangled by the merry atmosphere okay. I actually missed the weekday humdrum and mundane office-home commute. Am gonna bask in that starting Tuesday. Yippie. I'm a kill joy.

Felt like I was mourning Sg's passing youth, which is even more retarded because a nation like ours should be congratulated (and is celebrated) for the record amount of time we took to economically prosper. We got filthy rich in 3 generations, baby. No mean feat, LKY!

But you know, it's like growing hair at all the weird places, getting your period yet still no boobies... You get it? Like we're only economically developed. We have no identity (no clear positive one, at least).

We're still very backward in many aspects.

Like, we have so many signs saying "give up seat to elderly" or "do not litter"... not because our society advocates paternalism but because we need to be told what to do! We can't even be trusted to throw Yoe's Chrysanthemum cartons in the bin, so you tell me, how to deal with the real "sampah masyarakat" (hardcore social trash/ guttersnipes)?

And our so called racial harmony thrives on very superficial waters. If you're a chinese boy, and you bring home a malay/muslim girl to wed (not to fondle around on your bed hor) bet your mom would flip. Similarly, I would have a lot of problems if my sister expressed interest in a bangladeshi worker. If it's my maid then nevermind, you see, because that is considered a norm.

See what I mean? I hate myself for thinking like this. It's one huge imperfection in the way that we've been conditioned, isn't it?

"Sure, be friends with all, try dating a guy/girl out of your own ethnic group but when you wanna settle down and give me grandchildren, I want them to be the same colour as your vagina, pray five times a day, fast during Ramadhan and wear the tudung, you understand??" Okay let me clarify, my parents didn't say that.

To Singapore, Happy Birthday. I don't know how old you are this year because I'm an idiot. I also don't know the new National Day song for 09' because I haven't been to school, so no song sheet, no ND concert. I know that Electrico's a local band, is that good enough? I also like that there's gonna be a third Sg Idol. Know what I love most? The fact that our goverment is deemed incorruptible. Or maybe I say so because I know shit about politics? Whatever.

I hate all you hand-holding, red-wearing, happy parade goers. I hate you more if you're an NTU/NUS student. Or if you come from any elite JC. Ok that's it. Oh I must add one more thing, I hate you most if you're the cause of my current state of misery but yet still have the audacity to be so much happier than I ever could be today, now and forever.

Wah drama sial. Truth be told, I cannot pin point why I'm perpetually miserable. When you're miserable, happy couples just tend to piss the shit out of you. Did I say happy couples? Make that people - more general.

Cannot believe that I ranted like I actually cared. Cared enought to type a super lenghty post, at that!

This, functional? Dysfunctional

Lost my penchant for blogging. I lack opinions. I lack sarcasm and my entries are lacklustre.

I want to sneak out now. And do everything I'm not supposed to. Missing them rides past midnight with you people.

I know that school just started... but I'm already planning (or rather, daydreaming) my next holiday. This time with friends, hopefully. Redang? Phuket? Bali? Or let's scrimp and save... and tour Europe on a strict budget!

If I can't get anybody to come with, I'll go alone, get mugged and come back with lots of stories to tell.

Love how Europe has super long days in the summer. Like a spell that keeps you awake even when it's already late.

The thing I enjoy most about holidays is the feeling of falling asleep on an unknown bed, in a curious land.

Because waking up the next day is an experience all by itself.

I feel like there are no limits as to what can happen. Fall in love, break a leg, crash into a signpost, catch a falling star... absolutely anything! Like your soul is completely free and innocent, devoid of sins and earthly baggage. There I go again. Living in temporary highs.

Thinking about the rush I get, waking up in a different city has a very calming effect. Helps me get through nights like these... nights when I dearly miss every single thing I've lost.

The blackest night will fall and I will be gone like the sun. But in the darkness, you will find something more important than me. You will find yourself, deep in that ink. The sky will lift you up like the moon, to bring light to a landscape starved of it. And I will chase you and you will chase me, in the hope that one day we will find each other again.

And when that day comes, we will cast our light.

Together.

- pleasefindthis

Goodnight now.

On a happier note;

1) Love my interactive class. Lessons spiced up with debates. Very engaging.

2) Love how international, my school enviroment is.

3) Love the new people I met & clicked with; Zoe, Aidah, Jerusha :)

4) Love academic writing modules! Very GP! Minus rigid PEEL structure.

5) Will love my course.

6) Will hopefully not give up under pressure.

7) Will see what art history is like tomorrow before making further comments about school.

8) And and, me has a new thing for shaggy haired boys. Shaggy is so sexy, when the boy doesn't have adolescent pimples or oily skin. Just an observation.

Oh ya, the Da Vinci exhibition was kind of a let down. I don't see why they focused so much on the restoration. And how Da Vinci used some kind of special plaster that allows him to take his time painting and perfecting. Very technical stuff.

Enjoyed the video and the way the whole thing allowed us to feel his enthusiasm for knowledge and everything. His curiosity is infectious. Feel like googling the Mona Lisa now. And also kpo and find out what happened between him and Michael Angelo.

Still having late nights, doing nothing. Eyes will not rest. Am tired out.

When I finally fall asleep, I dream about trannies coming over to my house for cocktail. I dream about men dressing up as women in MY clothes. Makes me feel huge and man-ish. Very disturbing indeed.

Anger is the most impotent of passions. It effects nothing it goes about, and hurts the one who is possessed by it more than the one against whom it is directed.

— Carl Sandburg

Well, I'm attempting to release passive anger, yet again. I cannot seem to figure out what I'm angry about... or who I'm angry at. I suspect that it's at myself. So that makes it doubly harmful, yes?

Breathe... and let go.

I really want to pick up yoga. Or pilates. And focus all energy, twisting self into a pretzel.

Ten hours.

Last time i felt this desolate wasn't exactly that long ago. It was on a ten hour flight back from Athens.

Imagine ten hours, in the day. Hardly sleepy. Ten hours, thinking about how unsettled everything is back home. Ten hours, thinking about how I'll never see the past two glorious weeks in Greece anytime soon (or ever again). Ten hours = 5 trips (or more) to the loo at intervals of two hours each. Ten hours, watching all the movies available. Ten hours of wishing SIA still showed Mamma Mia. Ten hours of flipping through krisshop and thinking about whether I should get the YSL french manicure kit or the Ralph Lauren watch (ended up with Tommy Hilfiger). Ten hours of wondering how it'll feel like, squeezing self out of the tiny window and falling down below on Ahmedabad. Ten hours of pure torment. Ten hours of mapping my life out, and then changing my mind and re-mapping it over and over, ten times. Ten hours of reminiscing; Paris and romance. Ten hours of typing and erasing on Lola Smokah. Ten hours of reading. Ten hours of wishing that somebody back home missed me. Ten hours of wishing I had somebody to miss. Ten hours of enduring a dulling headache. Ten hours of wishing I could have alcohol like a non-muslim easily could. Ten fucking hours of great discomfort in every sense; spiritually, mentally, bodily... you get my drift.

Actually. I think if i didn't have faith, if I were a free-thinker, I'd drink myself silly. So I'd have a reason to blatantly refuse logical reasoning. Obviously, I need a whole lot of guidance, religion wise.

Things didn't get better after that ten hours. The hours continued piling on and on. Shake it off, shake it off. Shake. It. Off.

Cannot sleep tonight. I wish I can squeeze myself out the tiny window, more than 60,000 km above in stratosphere, a limb at a time... and just fall. With my cheeks flapping and teeth baring, surrendering to gravity, letting it just take me away. I'd keep my eyes close too. Wouldn't want to go blind due to air pressure during the last moments of living.

Morbid much. It's just the night talking. And dawn breaking.

Selling off Colin Stuart Espadrilles!

image from: Victoria's Secret

Demographics:
Size -7.5
Used - 3 times
Letting go at - $10

Selling because it isn't the right fit for me. Too big. I slipped and fell twice before learning my lesson. Will have no more ankle if continue to persist with espadrille. Love it because it adds instant height. Illusion of longer legs, skinnier everything else.

Contact me at nasirah.ar@gmail.com if interested.
Meet ups only! Central or Bukit Batok.
Thanks!

On a sidenote//

(a) Had the most redundant Sunday.
(b) I stayed home to culture pimples on my chin.
(c) Wooo. First time meeting my coursemates tomorrow, with pimplessssss.
(d) Sure sign that I'll never hook up with anyone gorgey.
(e) Curse you, pimples.
(f) No one takes people with chin pimples seriously. There goes my chance of becoming the president of student council. HAHAHA SAY whuuuut??! Just kidding.

The second, first ever post on Broccolee.

Hello, to you, the one reading now.

I've accidentally deleted all my posts.

I backed up the files though. So I kinda have them stored away somewhere in cyberspace.

New beginnings can start anytime, yes? So why not 1st August, 2009. Sounds like a good date.

I chopped off my hair. It's hardly touching my shoulder now.

I feel strangely cleansed. Completely rid of experiences that weighed me down.

Like I've never been hurt before. Like I'm retarded and never comprehended. Like I haven't met anyone. Best of all; like I'm not afraid to give all the love, as though the world has just begun.

Whoa. Dramatic or what.