Theoretically speaking

When Farah and i get together to talk about stuff, we come up with such poignant sentiments, like;

A person in a relationship carries a big umbrella. For him, and his partner.
A single person carries a small umbrella. For his/her own use.
A single and lonely person....
carries no umbrella because he/she hopes that someone would share it with her.

The funny thing is that we'd laugh and laugh and laugh till our bellies hurt. But you know what or not, I can't put a finger on what's so funny about our observation up there. Come to think of it, you are right. IT IS SAD.

And what is it that we always laugh about, you ask? We don't even laugh at people. We poke fun and laugh at ourselves! Now that's unhealthy, right? Maybe our humour is just sick?

Friday night & all I felt like doing was to head on home. How's that eh?

Had a relatively good week. I got to see Yanni, spent quality time talking about everything. Then there was the senior citizen corner umbrella/lepak night with Farah... Then there's my colleagues! I finally decided that it was time to get to know the people behind Skype! Thank you for embracing me during lunchtime. I cannot be happier when the clock strikes 12 pm. Feels like recess time all over again :)

The thing is, it's so easy, getting to know new people, adding them on. It's keeping them close, that's just so hard.

Today, marks a year since Abdar and I parted ways (according to my blog archives). It's just so sad that I don't know him anymore. By the looks of it, I don't think he wants to know me. It's not that either of us need time to heal. It was more like time drove us apart, so far and so wide that it seems pointless even, to remain friends.

I think I'll go have a bath

Art is shapeless

I think that hypocrisy should be reciprocated with even more hypocrisy.

It is perfectly acceptable and justifiable even, as long as you can differentiate friends, from acquaintances, cheaters from honest to goodness fools (who by right shouldn't be taken advantage of but they're too good to resist!) - and manage those groups as wisely as you capabilities allow you to. Never practice hypocrisy with your friends (namely, the people who you care most about) but otherwise, do what you think suits best for you to just get on in life. You can't please everybody, or get along with all. However, you can quit going against everything and making everybody your front line enemy. And this, ladies and gentlemen, is where hypocrisy comes very much in handy. If you see it my way, it saves a lot of trouble, don't you think?

"Never completely trust everyone. Keep questioning their intentions," said a friend once. And boy, he couldn't be more right.

Extensive to-do list

• I need to sort myself out.

• I need to establish and earn my place in this world. Question is, how, and doing what?
  

• I need to quit blindly going out with people. The feeling of wanting to leave in the middle of every meeting is slowly eating me up inside. And it will also work against my reputation in future.

• I need to quit wanting to marry everybody I meet. Cause that's just sick. I can’t go:

  Ok, he’s funny and he likes me. He doesn’t have any moles and I’ve been talking to him for the past 15 mins and not once did I feel bored, or am I not feeling bored because I’m here thinking all these out while he’s babbling about something completely redundant? What is he saying? Yadda yadda snap snap all guys just love talking about themselves don’t they? Lucky this one haven’t got a sucky voice. Meh, can’t be help. Oh, he drives his daddy’s beemer. Will do. Oooh, and is that a Mont Blanc pen, nicee, he’s got papers to sign, he’s got taste. OKAY, helllooo soulmate. Ok but that just means that I'm not really interested. Which sucks cause I am so lonely (haha haha)
  

• I need to get that Mahina L in 3 years time, tops. No, don’t be an idiot, I am not gonna SAVE up for it. I think I’ll make enough to blow it all on one of the objects of my desire (at least this one i can buy lorh. Grr)
  

• I need to visit a dentist.

• I need to know my A’level results. Like NOW. So I can decide where to go from point zilch.

Okay, i haven't got concrete priorities. Boo.

Sometimes I feel like this is about as good as it gets for me. But I am determined to make sure that twenty years down, I won’t look back and say, “Oh damn, the best years of my life are gone… and they sucked.”

Toodles. I’m attending this media session with my colleagues and it will be fun. I will enjoy the function. Or even if I don’t, there’s still the canapés. Just open up your mind and you’ll be surprised just how much you’ll learn. Or, who you'll meet!

An unexpurgated series of thoughts

I recall this convo I had a few days ago with H and this was what we discussed. Something along these lines, at least, since I lost our chat log.

H: Life is unfair. Deal with it
Me: Maybe yours, but not mine. I try as hard as I can to make it fair.
H: So is everything fair on your end?
Me: No
H: So see, it’s absolutely unfair! It’s even worse for you since you tried making it fair.
Me: There’s nothing “absolute” in life
H: Exactly, except for the fact that life’s unfair, no matter how hard you try to make it fair.
Me: Then you’re saying that life is absolutely unfair which is not possible when nothing is ever absolute in the first place. So life can’t be COMPLETELY unfair.
H: See, nothing is absolute, everything is grey. So life is unfair!
Me: Argh. This convo is unfair.
H: Proved my point. Quit being optimistic
Me: I’m a control freak. Not an optimist.
H: Hahahahaha

It all depends on how good you are at damage control.

Think I’d need professional damage busters to help me out once the results are out. I get this feeling that I’m gonna be a vegetable for a few days once the A’level results are out. My whole world, as I know it now will just… vapourize. It’s almost like a positive or negative AIDS test. Except that with A’s, it allows just a teeny weeny bit of hope. Which is a whole lot more torturous, if you ask me. At least with HIV, you know immediately after the release of test results whether or not you’re infected. Diseases like AIDS don’t discriminate but SMU, NUS and NTU does and they HEAVILY discriminate against anything below a B.

No point getting flustered now. Heck I got distracted by everything, from my nails to dust on the table to peeing 2343 times per hour just to get out of studying. So I won’t even bother going I shoulda, woulda, mighta, moutha fucka... like all you other sorry asses. Quit regretting.

I had fun taking a few minutes off work to rant about my purposeless and now ambitionless life. Sigh. Wait, I still want to write, very very much. Maybe now, something more Roald Dahl-ish instead of Financial Timish (this one exaggerate ah, I write one econs essay also take 4 hundred hours)

Writing for kids is an art form okay – it truly is. I respect Dahl and the work he has done. One problem, I dislike kids, in general and I wouldn’t want to spend any time with them, in any line of work, if possible. Heck if there’s a chance that I’m having my own kids to wear me down in future, I seriously don’t need other people’s little brats to deal with at work. Children are so slappable and smackable and I think all of them should be confined to Pulau Ubin, with all the other adults who adore children. They can jolly well go there and get molested by a million grubby fingers.

Okayy no one will ever marry me – this cold-hearted, money and old-man loving bitch with an incomplete A’level cert. Okayy lah, babies are tolerable enough. Squeezable and coo-able. Good enough compromise? My hostility towards children (in general) can be rather scary. No wonder nobody wants to be my friend. Not that i'm caring (actually i am but let's pretend i don't because it suits the tone of this entire entry better).

Anyways, would NTU consider direct admission… if I directly throw myself to the board of directors and tell them I’d donate a kidney for lab work? Not necessarily my own lah. SHEESH! Seeing how unfair life is, my right kidney would totally start failing the moment I give up my left one. Perhaps throwing in a revolving fan would close the deal? Hahahaha. I'll even make it pink for some colour.

Ok, excuse my super long and incoherent babble. I’m losing it. And I was under the impression that I’m a very focused and rational person. Now I think I’m just delusional. You learn something about yourself everyday!

AND TIME!

12 MINUTES OF BABBLING and rambling AT WORK. Congratulations.

A spiritual flaw

He's a force of nature,
That I can't outrun
A devil and a saviour,
All in one.
His eyes could feel me,
Now flashbacks make me yearn.
His lips got me addicted to the poetry.
I never really know with him, just who I am.
But I confess that I don't mind at all,
Cause I would trade the world away,
To stay inside that dream
I'll never find,
A better place,
to -

f
a
l
l
.

Friday night flings

From ayam penyek to haagen daz.

From Millennia days to better stuff awaiting.

I think we'll all be just fine.

I genuinely had a great time last night!

Turning twenty and flying free is a great place to be.

Cheers to better days ahead.

P/S: Chicks over dicks, girlish flicks and talking about J_ _ B's little nicks.

Tried & tested

I'm very tired of my temporary job.

The best part is that it's a temporary position, which means that i can leave anytime. Or alternatively, be asked to leave.

Nobody'll be affected. They can easily find someone else to write whitepapers and I'll just be on my way, to try other things. New might not necessarily be better but hey, you won't know till you try.

Sure it's been a great temporary stint which i thought was going to be wonderful... but apparently, the novelty only lasted for awhile. I get that. And i also get that the contributions i made are just too tiny to be remembered and if i ever decide to comeback, they might not even keep any of my records. Moreover, they will probably never want me to come back. Especially not after someone else's filled my temporary position, making it their own permanent one.

Nevertheless, i've found a friend in some and that's just great. What more can i ask? I ought to be thankful that i managed to learn so much in such a short amount of time. Believe me, i am. Thank you for teaching me so much.

Don't ask me what happened to my interest, it just wavered and ended, with a putt-putt.

Hmmm so what should i do? I don't dare let the anybody know of my reluctance, just yet, cause i feel safe here.

Wishing for better ways to verbalize how much i care.

I had the best Sunday breakfast today - one i haven't had in the longest time ever. Omgosh how i miss pancakes in the morning! And how much MORE i miss it with Farah, who is, after all what makes these morning sessions so special.

And you know what, it made me realise that no matter how many guys i fall for, or fall out with, or wish I can have... or think i want to MARRY (hahahaha sometimes after 2 seconds) I know that at the end of the day, the only thing that will remain constant is that she'll still be my friend and the undeniably better part of me in the years to come. Really, you know you'll always be the nicer, kinder, more patient one in this relationship!

This, I know for sure. I have unyielding faith in our friendship. I know that it'll grow and become increasingly stronger as the years go by. Hey babe, can you remember a time when we fought? Maybe we should try fight! Then we can try see if it makes this better, and if the making up part involves a lot of chocolates and sweets - well, food, in general! Amazing, don't you think, how food makes up such an integral part of what we have? I bet we can categorize our memories together based on where we eat. Haha! Let's go on the Singapore Flyer (Poppyes) next weekend! If it gets stuck you KNOW we can jump in the capsule and make the whole thing go 360 degrees!

If you think you're the only one with imaginary conversations in your head, ME TOO, really. I like to ask you where you wanna eat for lunch (even though we're obviously never gonna have lunch on an ordinary weekday anymore, anytime soon) and what you think of poor people who like begging for money along the streets, and how it's always the melayus. I hate it... and then i will also laugh to myself when the imaginary you respond in my head with the wittiness and the expressions and actions that never fail to crack me up! Remember the "transformers, pratas in disguise"? Omg that was such a classic moment! Hey we haven't hit the gym in ages. Blame it on work, seriously.

I really miss our after school bubble-tea sessions man. I haven't had one in ages. Food just tastes blah-er without you! But i still eat ah. I just avoid the Farah foods (pancakes, bubble tea, u-mian... i cant even bear having the cheese tofu at banquet!) when i'm alone, cause it's not as nice :(

Ooookay, i know this is long entry. No, we didn't fall out...but we are seeing less of each other, in case you're wondering why i'm so sentimental. Argh, the pains of not having school anymore!

So my dearest friend, happy friendship day to you, to US. You know how they always say that nothing ever lasts, but this, i believe is one thing that will. So let's make the effort, 20 years on. Let's do our best to keep this going, alright? And if we ever start a business together, let's make sure that money issues won't get in between us. I trust you, really and I hope you'll trust me too. As much as you know how my infatuation with $ has evolved into "love" and sometimes "lust", I love you more. I want you to tell me if i'm changing into somebody you just can't relate to anymore. I want you to slap me silly. Slap the shit out of me, okay. Cause i really think you make me a better person.

And if you keep wondering why i'm so adamant about you being open to meeting people, it's only because i think you have so much to give, i believe that someone out there will truly know how to appreciate what you have to offer... and give you back more in return. It would be so beautiful. I will be the first one to be the happiest for you when that happens. I don't want you to shut yourself off and give up. It's just too bad that your first experience ended the way it did but that's just a small screw-up on your part and a big one of his. You've done profoundly well, keeping your head above the entire mess. I loathe him for what he ended up doing so yeah i still believe that he'll get what's coming - no matter how incredibly forgiving you are, never wanting anything bad to happen to him and all... Maybe he'll have lock jaw forever and have his bloody mouth frozen in that all-gums-showing position... THEN HE'LL KNOW ARH! We'll have the last laugh when his little slut refuses to kiss him and skips along to push up her humongous nugga-nuggas on the next willing guy!

Like what your friend said, be glad that he isn't the one. Be glad that you did share some moments of happiness with him. But don't you get it? There'll be so much, SO MUCH MORE waiting out there, with another. But only when you're ready, if only you'll allow yourself to. Things happen for a reason. Yes, I know it's a tired phrase. Only recently, i'm convinced that it's actually true and not the blah-blah bullfuckingshit people tell other people they're sorry for. It's not that i'm worried you won't meet someone - heck, i would never want you to settle for just about anyone, he has to be fucking worthy of you, of course (oops pardon all the french)... I'm just worried that you're gonna miss the chance of meeting that someone and experiencing that extra bit of happiness and bliss and all things delectable because you've just decided that you're done... No, don't be like that. All in good time, i'm sure.

I love you very VERY much. And maybe i should e-mail you this instead of writing it in my blog, hor? But i want the whole world (ok maybe the 10 people who actually read my entries) to know what a great person you are and how impossibly lucky i am to have you as a friend...moreover my BESTfriend.

Oh but i'll take down this entry if it makes you uncomfy, just say the word.

fourteenth fab oh-nine

I know i didn't post anything before... but i just thought I should, because i had a fabulous day. No, it wasn't Valentine's day.

• I met K. Lee around 1pm @ Tampines
  
• Watched "The Curious case of Benjamin Button", which was the best movie i've watched in an entire year, i swear.
• Met his friend Sofi thereafter while we lunched
• Headed to Ikea for boxes
• Back to his place, where i met Mrs Lee (haha she was real nice)
• Cabbed to ECP
• Was made to walk all the way to Bedok jetty from the main MacDonalds; a really entertaining walk.
  
• Found out that Bedok jetty was sealed off
• Sat on the sign instead, all sweaty... yet, for me, it was one of the most memorable nights.
• Cabbed home.

But, it was also the night that changed everything, from what it had been only a month ago.

I'm keeping everything in my head, because i daresay i had the best start to my 2009, ever. I'm not complaining, nor am i regretting. I'm just so so thankful that our paths crossed, no matter how breifly.

What a mad, impulsive, crazy affair, eh Cap'n? You make such good company, and i truly hope that won't change.

One thing's fo'sure - when something feels too damned good to be true, it probably is. Enlightenment from Warwick avenue.

Since it's the season to be lovey;

I present to you...

Barack & Michelle's epic romance - thanks to work

The workplace is one of the top three places to meet someone, and that one-third of these relationships lead to marriage. Well, as we just watched history being made when Barack and Michelle Obama walked into the White House, we are also watching what may be called the ultimate workplace romance.

The story of the Obama's meeting in the Chase Tower office of prestigious Chicago law firm Sidley & Austin sounds a bit like a movie script. According to Liza Munday, author of Michelle: A Biography and a Washington Post reporter, in 1989 Michelle Robinson was assigned to mentor summer intern “prodigy” Barack Obama because she was making a name for herself as an associate and because she, too, had interned at the firm when she attended Harvard Law School .

Obama had been recommended for the internship by a Harvard Law professor whose father was a partner in the firm. Michelle was skeptical about this summer associate, saying he sounded “overly intellectual” and “just too good to be true,” according to Mundy. And when he showed up for their initial lunch in a sport jacket, not a suit, and smoking a cigarette, the impeccable Michelle was not impressed, she has told David Mendell, author of Obama: From Promise to Power.

She also didn't regard him as a potential date because of her position as his adviser and because she thought office romances were “tacky,” according to an article on Slate.com. So when sparks did fly, she was a little reluctant to pursue the relationship, John Levi, the partner who hired both Obamas, told Slate. Mundy reports that the budding relationship made Michelle feel self-conscious. But Barack Obama says in The Audacity of Hope that he was smitten from the moment she started explaining billable hours!

Of course, as the summer progressed, they realized that they had more in common than Harvard Law School in their drive for achievement and desire to help others through the law. Their famous date at a church, where Barack had worked as a community organizer and where Michelle first heard him speak about community needs for the first time, cemented the relationship.

***

Really awwwsome stuff adapted from HR.BLR and so I thought it'll just be nice to share! If you want to know more about the couple's romance, click here to read.

So you see, if you're single, and miserable, just keep working. Or find a new job. With new people. It'll increase your chances of meeting someone - close proximities, a lot of time spent together (in close proximities, again)... you get the idea. Hey that was what I intended to do. I thought I'd try workplace romance, seems fun, right? But... broccolee brought me someone better.

Friday's a little slower around here. Mmmm goody. Have a great weekend ahead. And just don't think about Monday. Oooops, look, i mentioned Monday. One day at a time. That's it...

O' happy thoughts

ANYBODY SELLING A PAIR OF JASON MRAZ'S CONCERT TICKETS?

Ok, maybe someone out there doesn't wanna go. And maybe that kind hearted someone won't charge a condominium for those passes. Maybe... if i pray hard enough, that kind someone with the purest of souls would come contact me about selling their tickets (yes, it's not crazy to sell your tickets, i promise!)

Or maybe someone who knows someone else who talked about letting their tickets go... may just happen to see this entry and tell me about it?

Today was one of those sucky days which turned out great simply because. K, L and S must be the three most loveliest letters put together... OR WHAT?? *biggrin*

OH THANK GOD IT'S FRIDAY TOMORROW. And Saturday will be nice. And Sunday... I've promised myself that Sunday won't be spent grieving over the loss of Friday night and Saturday... while filled with sickening dread the whole time, fearing Monday morning. ARGH.

I have a pimple. That means i must be really really stressed out. Either that, or i'm just dead dirty. I think it's the latter. Ha.

This is my 335th post

Time's always on accelerated mode during the weekends. Work has made me realise how precious Friday nights, Saturdays and Sundays are. How unfair. I tend to spend the rest of the week looking forward to Fri night. Okay, I really miss flexible, skippable, slackable school.

I secretly bask in affirmations. Now it's no secret anymore! It tells you that somehow, you're doing the right thing, that you're on the right track - be it at work or when you're running a ship... Especially at work, though.

Basically, affirmations are definitely needed. If no one does it for me, i'll just convince myself. And that, i suppose is the best kind, when left to your own devices. That's confidence.

Afternoon at Shiraz

Haha, Janna drama queen eh!

i like this photo! if only it wasn't megawattishly brright.

/editted:

I am so annoyed by the iTouch.

I fooking rape and throw you out the window then you know ar.

Persistantly hanging and jamming.

Then must always connect it back to either the iHome or sthg,

to unfreeze the screen. Argh.

You know, i've even stopped wiping my finger prints off the screen cause i'm so mad. SO MAD with you, YOU TOUCHY THINGY. Stop being so sensitive.

I anticipate something good (read: heavenly, charming, omgomgomg, yaaaay and all other related synonyms) to sail in tonight. I live for weekends. Yessaaah.

Rest up on mukabuku (facebook) haha, sounds funny right? I always feel like we haven't met for ages, whenever we do meet up. There's like always so much to say, so much to tell. Girlfriends are just so great to have. You can never have too many of them. Okay la, too many of the good kind, at least.

Check this out

With the financial crisis and what not, we are all well aware of how the people on Wall St are severely the most affected. Poor rich bankers. Yadda yadda. Somehow, we have forgotten the other set of highly regarded individuals (ok, so they used to be highly regarded before Wall St crashed) - guess who?? Gfs and wives of investment bankers, of course (who the shit cares about bloody WAGS anymore, seriously?? Victoria Becks is pukably overrated and stories about her, have completely been exhausted already)!

Check out what they have to say here:

http://dabagirls.wordpress.com

This one here is my favourite entry - amusing!!!

Enjoy (:

P/S : NO, fyi, it is not part of my lifetime plan to be the wife or girlfriend of a banker. Though maybe it wouldn't hurt to give it a shot when the economy picks up? Hehe... Imagine, Louboutins and first class air tickets everywhere. *Le sigh. If so then I have to up my money-making strategies. I'm all about being each other's equal.

clockworks whirring in the wee wee hours

I know I was so so so damn sure about wanting to write and go full force into journalism for the rest of my life but suddenly - i'm not so sure anymore.

I want to do everything, in fact. Why limit yourself, right? I want to work with animals at the zoo and also try fatten up our local pigeons so they’d look as cute as those in Paris, do public relations, organize events/parties, start my own business (off the top of my head, I want to specialize in gift ideas for both corporate and personal – I wanna help people plan their honeymoon getaways, anniversaries), be a tour guide, dive and snorkle for a living... and yeah well, even fly, perhaps? See there’s so much I suddenly wanna do. Ambitious. But if you don’t write your ideas down it’ll just be a passing thought. So that’s why I’m typing them down.

Of course my priority would still be to write. Maybe magazines can call me up as a contributor – and I’ll tell them stories about how rhinos peed on me when I was working as a zookeeper. Kay, weird.

Ok, so do I need a degree to work at the zoo? The can let me start by feeding the penguins first, right?

I'm seeing my favourites this Saturday! Shafika, Jannah, it's been weeks man. Farah? Hahaha you know, i know, we must meet every week, yaw!

question marked post

I'm lazy.
I'm dead happy.
I'm bloated.
I'm happy
I'm happy
I'm happy :D

oh and I'm lazy.

But I'm going to slap myself back to work.

I want to sell some of my clothes online. You think anyone would wanna buy? Topshop/MNG/Zara/Miss Selfridge/Warehouse and some others from misc shops. Mmmm... when I have time then. Like I said, I'm being a slob here. Some have never been worn before. Redundancies.

Deadlines are no longer so appealing anymore. Unlike dates... for instance. I'm talking about the FRUIT (kurma), yanoe?? Can help you just go easily. Wow I'm so funny.

I'm typing this entire sentence with my eyes closed and i'm pretty good at it, no? Wow what a bloody pointless entry this is turning out to be.

Eh, where's my cap'n smith? No more no more already?

I want a blueberry muffin. And some cawfee yaw. But i'm so lazy to go down to the staff pantry downstairs. Wow you must think i'm a slacker, slagging off work. No lorh. I finished everything ahead of time. Ok fine, some deadlines got pushed back.

I'm HAPPY. Yay.

OMG i forgot to get my interview questions approved before conducting it! I'm so screwed. Kay toodles.

Wait, wait... I'm still happy :)

"Wriggle your way out of any mess". I live by that. I have a secret to share: sometimes, i have no idea what i'm writing about, be it for work or for my own personal use. But guess what? You really don't have to know everything.

Matchy-matchies

Attended my first wedding in 2 and a half years just yesterday. I must say, I enjoyed this one very much. Presenting to you... Nur Hadirah :) My cousin whom i've grown fond off, lately. I wanna take her out shopping, teach her to avoid naughty boys, take her out for Gelare waffles, force her to eat creampuffs & mochi... and more! Who wants to come along?

I melt when she kisses me. With additional sound effects - *Mmmmwahh*

Coincidentally, we wore matching baju kurungs that day!

See, i'm "scolding" her. Look at that guilty face.

:D (veryveryvery delighted smiley face)

Argh. Back to work. Another press conference to deal with tomorrow. And i'm flying solo. How sad. So i better go research and make myself knowledgeable. What a spoiler to my otherwise spectacular Sunday.

D: (veryveryvery sad "smiley" face)