Krazy

He stays constant in my mind's eye, just like she stays present after their crippling goodbye.

Love can't be the universal language. Madness is. Everybody understands madness. Including the deranged and mad themselves.

Museums

Impulsive visit to the Singapore History Museum. I want to get married in a museum la. I hope I'll meet my first husband at the Art Museum and my consecutive one at the Philatelic museum. Haha. Just kidding.

I love you Farah'Ain! Let's spend more of our weekends doing artsy stuff and learning new things. How about the theater next week? Or maybe let's go for a massage. Maybe we can request for a hot foreign guy. One that doesn't speak english/malay, so we can gossip about how gorgeous he is.

They're the happiest bunch of cam-strumpets!

Molten chocolate cake. From Ben& Jerry's at "the" OC. Girl food for girl on girl time.

Okay, still sane poses... The standard smile and click.

Right to left: Fathiah, Eunice, Diah, me & Farisha!

Then it started. Hahahah

Look at how happiness translates; in still shots!





First time I hung out with the 4 of them. Doesn't look like it, right? Haha. And tonight, for the first time in weeks... I don't feel like sliting my wrist because their infectious playfulness and truly jolly vibes have repelled my midnight negativity away! Thank you for extending the warm invite (to an outsider, mind you!) to join you tight knitted group of girls for ice cream. What a nice way to wrap up the weekdays.

:)

Word-play-words

Can't I be believing now? Can't I be leaving now? Why can't I be LIVING.

Mind probing

You know how some guys enjoy taking care of a girl so much because it makes them feel needed. Because she's weak and helpless and needs someone to look after her. Because she is an idiot who needs to be sorted out by a so-called 'man'.

I know some girls like that. So dependent and yet so blissfully contented and loved. While I've always been happy and somewhat proud of my strong headedness and my ability to stand on my own, solving my own puzzles that life throws and looking for ways to make this never ending maze of an existance less impossible... I do wish that sometimes, when some guy tells me that he's gonna hold my hand and be there through every crap, he'd mean it and that I'd believe it. Instead of inwardly scoffing at this obvious lie.

They found it easy to leave me because they knew that I'd be ok. They knew that I'd pick myself up. They knew that I'll never use a suicide threat. So... I'm thinking - should i play damsel in distress the next time, instead of the one causing distress?

Hmm. This must be one of those nights. I'm just gonna continue watching Desperate Housewives.

Inside

Love is an angry scar
The pain of instruction
Love is a violation, a mutilation, capitulation,
Love is annihilation.

Love me like a virgin, love me like a courtesan,
Love me like a sinner, love me like a dying man.

Radiate me, subjugate me, incubate me, recreate me, demarcate me, educate me, punctuate me, evaluate me, conjugate me, impregnate me, designate me, humiliate me, segregate me, opiate me, calibrate me, replicate me.


P/S: Sting is as sexy as hell. I love Sting. I like men old, i guess. Look at his to-die-for stubble. I'd so love to brush my face against his. And have him brush his face against... ok nevermind stop it. He should be appreciated, NOW, before he goes ahead and performs a Michael Jackson (i.e drops dead)

Paroxysmic jibber-jabber

There are cats fighting twelve floors below me, screeching and doing their catty little thang at the playground. Getting pretty annoyed here. I am a little spooked cause I'm alone at home and it's past midnight and yanoe, add a little imagination and those cats might not even be cats. Hmmm. Interesting. I hope they're actually unicorns disguised as cats... instead of, okay let's not go there.

I can't remember much of the events that took place in the past few days. Met a few people, attempted a job interview (with Louis Vuitton, since they called me down after I submitted my resume) which was a total failure... no joke. They told me that I have no work experience in sales. Yeah. If so then why call me down? Just to chat? Niceee. But it was worth it since I got to see where they kept their stock. I had to do everything I could to stop myself from having an orgasm. Had i let go, it would have been my first ever, I swear.

It's sad that what turns me on, are mounds of expensive leather bags, kept in their own designated LV cabinets - a different one for each design, smelling so darn awesomely sexy. Why can't it be something less obscenely pricey? So anyway, the manager who interviewed me was disappointed that i couldn't speak mandrin. Well, i never said i could in my resume, so don't give me that dirty look a'right!?

I told her instead,

"I believe that you would need somebody who can handle indonesian clients too, yes? Variety always give any store a better edge. It gives the whole place a cosmopolitan feeling!"

Yeah well, I don't think she bought my wala-wala crap. Before I left, I mentioned that there are two things I'm passionate about in life (a) making as much $$ as possible without having to slog (b) Mahina L and the LV boutique in Paris - coz it's better than the Lourve Museum. At this point, I think she already decided that I'm a psycho la. Sheesh. Why why why did I have to tell her that I don't like hard work?

I just think hard work is unecessary, especially if there is an easier way out. Don't tell me that there are no short cuts just because YOU haven't found it. I'm still looking. It is hard work, yanoe, looking for an easier way out. I have to protect myself from scammers. So anyway, she kept harping on my lack of experience in sales. What can I say, right? It's true. Two months at GG<5 hardly qualifies. But sales is goddamn boring, especially when they don't pay enough. LV pays. And the commission is something i'll definitely work for. Hard.

Okay enough on that already!

I can't stop thinking about food. I don't crave for small stuff anymore. It's like I can eat seven full meals a day. And no, not a single meal consists of raw carrots and celery. I can go have a bowl of banmian after a plate of LJS's signature trans-fat laden cocktail of diseases. And before that, tuna sanwhiches. Even after a meal fit to feed half of Uruguay, I still have space for a creampuff. Ok, talking about creampuffs, I really hate Polar and their pseudo creampuffs. WHIPPED CREAM, fyi, is not real cream! Like Jannah once said, it's like biting into a cloud! Yes though it may sound heavenly, clouds, let me remind you, are taste-fucking-less. I want the heavy duty stuff from Beard Papa. But it's so goddamn far that I have to switch trains (and run across platforms) at least once, to get to the nearest kiosk. Why cant we have Beard Papa in the west??? What kind of sick conspiracy is this?? Maybe I should open a franchise right here at West Mall. Eh good idea.

Anyway, this is a good time for an intermission. My entry is running a little too long, into abysmal depths of pointless-tivity. I would like to take this oppurtunity to remind whoever who's been reading that this is how i look like:




Hahaha why, you ask? Because even though i may sound like a loser most of the time, you have to agree that I don't necessarily look like one, right? Hahaha menyampah sak Nas. Actually thanks to Barbarella Babi, you can so totally see the pimples. No needta zoom. But who cares. Beyonce told me to show off my "flaws and all". On Broccolee though, I'm sure I've showed you all my flaws. So why be ashamed of stupid physical flaws - like pimples.

I just felt like posting a very long entry tonight. That's all. Hurhur. Toodles. I'm gonna continue reading now, I think? Homg, it's already past 4 am! And i started around midnight. What have I been doing? Time is such an illusion, really!

Another one of those FML posts

Today, my boyfriend wanted to take me to a movie after days of not seeing me. This long awaited date involved me paying for food and my movie ticket when he ran out of cash again. He then dumped me as we left the theater walking to his car. Well, I financed my own breakup date. FML

On 07/11/2009 at 2:11pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)

I feel for the stranger who sent that in. Been there, actually. If you've financed something as shitty as that, babe, you can finance ANYTHING else. Mark my words.

This is experience speaking.

Food tastes yummy, hate the tummy.

I can't stop thinking about eating. That is all I want to do. I want to eat all the salty food please. Sour cream & onions potato chips = HEEEEAAAVEN. Pics up there were from our trip to JB yesterday. Headed across the causeway specifically to stuff ourselves. Our plan was to have four meals there. Oh, the gluttony. Let's go on a holiday, far far away.

Guess what we realised? This message was stamped on the first page of our passport:

The President of Singapore requests all authorities to allow the Singaporean citizen named in this passport to pass without delay or hindrance and, if necessary, to give all assistance and protection.

Like, does Nathan even know that he made this request, specifically... to protect me from any harm - be it food poisoning or rapists... just because I am a bearer of this passport? Wow. Sadly (and pathetically) I felt so loved and touched. I'm protected by my passport yaw. And so are you. Haha go read your passport.

Finally sorting out my Greece pictures... and also the Frankfurt ones. I'm a horrible photographer. Felt like making one of those picture slideshows but somehow, i have too many pictures of senget buildings, which i can't name/recognize anymore. Some other day then.

Says Katharine Hepburn;

Plain women know more about men than beautiful ones do.

But what's the point of knowing more when the knowledge is more often painful than not?

Anyway, reading http://www.fmylife.com keeps me entertained and occupied. Check it out. My favourite entry ever:

(click to enlarge)

Life sure can be one big suck-fest.

The Quiet World

In an effort to get people to look
into each other's eyes more,
the government has decided to allot
each person exactly one hundred
and sixty-seven words, per day.

When the phone rings, I put it
to my ear without saying hello.
In the restaurant I point
at chicken noodle soup. I am
adjusting well to the new way.

Late at night, I call my long
distance lover and proudly say
I only used fifty-nine today.
I saved the rest for you.

When she doesn't respond, I know
she's used up all her words
so I slowly whisper I love you,
thirty-two and a third times.
After that, we just sit on the line
and listen to each other breathe.

-- Jeffrey McDaniel

Of lizards, lingerie and love.

Happy Birthday dear FARAHS. Haha you both like?

Friday night.
Bright lights.
Forgotten fights
& nine awesome girls having fun with all their might.

Just another cynic

I just got a writing assignment. But it's about children. I'm supposed
to write about children.

Sometimes the light at the end of the tunnel is an oncoming train and
the silver lining under a dark cloud is lightning waiting to strike.

Sent from my iPod, Lola Smokah

Cutting ties

Its been over a year and you still act like you killed my mother. What
gives. Come on. What's the big deal. All you did was bury the old Nas
who craved to please you... Along with the decent girl who only dared
to tell an occasional lie, hardly ever staying out past curfew.

Though I may not like who I've become today, I never liked who I was then either. If anything, I'm relieved she's dead. I'm just sorry you can't see things my way.

I'm really bothered about how bothered I've been feeling. It's the kind of bothering that never stops.

Maybe everybody reaches a point in life where they get upset over the smallest of things. I panick at night when I wake up to find my handphone or iPod on the floor, along with almost all my pillows. It bothers me, to think that even pillows cannot stand to share a bed with me. I know, i'm being downright retarded.

It also bothers me greatly, to find that my toothbrush has been shifted. I've been reduced to worrying about the most ridiculous of things.

Oh man. If I can, I would have packed my bags and left myself a long time ago.

I'd rather stay lonely, thanks

If you're not willing to risk the unusual, you may have to settle for
the ordinary.

I wonder what you were like when you were twenty. I wonder if I'll be
at a better place by the time I turn twenty.

For the bestfriend;

When I look at where you should be,

all I see are the pain,

tears and scars you left.

Your emptiness is how I know I will prevail.

After you, nothing seems impossible.

- from lisapark

P/S: And for everybody else who think that they are stuck in the past and cannot move on.

I haven't met somebody so powerful like that. Have you?

TRAIN of thoughts

If I ever become an MRT driver, (is this what they are called? are they driving?) I would so love to abruptly close the doors when people are in the midst of running to change trains and whatsoever. It'll be so cool. I'd have fun laughing at all those people who slam into the train doors. Especially so for the kianchong aunties in leopard print tights arh.

Kalau sampai tersepit-sepit lagi best kan. I suke.

I have nothing against people who run across the platform to catch the train. I do it too. I don't sprint lah, unlike some people. I just open my legs big big and make giant steps, yanoe? But I always secretly hope that i'll slam into closing doors one day. Haha it'll be quite funny, really!

Woooh we're already at July people.