frustrating

So i'm made to stay home, yet again. Every morning, i wake up thinking, "Ok, so what today?" And i'd lie still for a few minutes staring at the ceilings/ check my hp for new text messages/ run straight to the loo to pee.

And then after that, maybe i'd go log in to facebook or whatever. Heck, the internet has got alot of limitations. I hate going on MSN. I just don't like chatting on MSN much, probably because no one talks to me online anyway. Hur. So yea, i'd roam aimlessly on virtual reality. I swear, it's getting more and more BORING. I wish i'm going somewhere, doing something. Or eating at least. I have lost interest in food too. You may think this is a good thing. I beg to differ. Now i just don't know what to do, except to wait for my phone to vibrate- just so i can reply some text message.

I've been reduced to nothing-ness.

Oh yeah, this morning i went for a run. I've been trying to run for the past 3 days now because Abdar psycho-ed me and told me that i will definitely have to do my NAPFA test next year, no more running away from that, because it will reflect badly on me. I still don't quite see how Napfa is soo important but whateverr.

You see, Year 1, i cheated on that physical fitness test and this year, wellllll... i just never turned up at all. So next year, Abdar calculated and told me that NO ONE IN THIS WORLD IS LUCKY ENOUGH TO GET OUT OF PE THREE BLOODY TIMES (not in these words, of course) so i figured i better do something about my sloth-like running speed anyway.

Besides, i wouldn't want to get a stroke running on MI's track next year. Yuck. Picture this; my one flab of a body collasping with a BLOODY WAVE (due to the ripples caused by so much fat). I'd rather pick up cans from rubbish bins than to let ANYONE witness such a catastrophe.

And thus, i'm giving running a shot. & GUESS WHAT????!!!!!

I REALLY, BLOODY HATE IT.

I HATE RUNNING.

I LOATHE IT.

I DETEST IT.

I CANNOT STAND IT.

(I came to this conclusion today morning)

I don't know why people say they feel calm and at ease while running. I feel anything BUT calm and collected. In fact i wheeze and pant like some mother fucking sow. I can flood the whole of Bukit Batok with the sweat i produce from just 1 round of running. I pretended to like running but i cannot. I can't lie to myself. It's torture. I'd rather diet and be bulimic and swallow pills that throw my hormones out of balance than to bloody run. Gawd. I almost hate running as much as I hated touch rugby. HUH. I now flinch when somebody mentions TOUCH RUGBY, by the way. That was one hell of a hellish experience. Sports and me just don't mix. Eh, wait, actually i thought the sport itself was kinda fun... until i discovered that i have to play it with alot of people that i don't quite like (yeah yeah, so alot of people will hate me after this if they found out i said this but fuck care la, dammit)

I get into a fit at the thought of anything remotely physical. ARRRRRRRRRRGHH. It angers me and frustrates me so damn much, not being able to function and play sports the way other people can.

The thing is, i want to be able to play some sport. I want to be able to run. Hell, at this moment, i can't even fucking catch a ball. I have butter fingers. I'm sooo clumsy. I can't play a decent game without slinking off somewhere, making up excuses. Stomachache, nausea, anything, you name it, i've used it to get out of PE, or any game for that matter.

Oh, right, bowling i can tahan though.

See what i mean. It's so goddamn pathetic.