Hey you, the one with a dick.

You’re just one of those guys. One of those men who seem intelligent and witty while they’re talking about themselves and their world, then the minute they stop being the centre of attention, their personality kind of disappears. Someone at some point has taught you to ask the odd question - that it’s bad manners to talk about yourself all evening - so you kind of go through the motions of showing an interest in other people, but it’s just something you do off a checklist on how to come across as vaguely socially acceptable. You don’t mean it. You don’t listen. You don’t give a shit about anything or anyone other than yourself.

You’re a toddler in a man’s body; which, let’s face it, is in the end just boring.

And also because tonight, I feel like lambasting all you generics, yes, all of you who think you're just so goddamn awesome, God's gift to women, like water is to land. All I ever asked for is just a little spot of sincerity. And none of you tried hard enough to fake it. What a shame.