whistles.

I'm not sure what I want. Or what it is that will truly make me feel like.. I'm happy.

I am happy. When I'm at work. Or when i go down for lunch and wonder what we should do - grab a salad, sit by the river, walk around and shop, eat someplace nice, explore...?

I'm so lost honestly. I think I've got it all figured out in my head but i'm so worried all the time! I worry that i'm not doing enough to upgrade myself, yet i'm too beat. I worry that i'm not having enough fun but if i do go all out and have fun... Then something's gotta give, right? I'm gonna be distracted. I might just take my eyes off the prize i'm working towards. And if i don't get there.. All this slogging i've been doing will be all for nothing. And i won't have that.

It's the most challenging year for me, 2011. I'm always so jumpy. Yet i'm also the strongest i've ever been, all my life. But. I kinda need a break. And i want to buy a book. And not an e-book either. I want to flip the pages and feel it in my hands. I haven't read in the longest time.

And i also think that i need to embark on a spiritual journey. And... Get closer to God. And ask Him to help me map the rest of my dreams out. And protect me like He's always been. Insya Allah.