K, N, N

Faced the weirdest, most ridiculous situation ever last night, while sleeping.

I was walking down Orchard Road with K, hand in hand. So I was saying something and when I turned to face him, I saw that he was holding hands with his ex gf (I couldn't really see her face but I knew it was her), on the other side.

So I turned to her and said "hello" cheerily like it was the most natural thing in the world.

So the three of us continued walking, hand in hand. I know we were swinging our hands and we're all happily chatting away and laughing till we reached the art gallery. I had to work, even in my dreams. So I waved them off goodbye and collasped onto a couch. I was just so tired and I knew that something just wasn't right. But I couldn't tell what.

I actually woke up thinking it was real.

Can you imagine if it was?!

But you know what, I was so damned relieved that I'm just a crazy person who dreams up crazy situations... if it becomes real then I've got nothing to say to myself, honestly. Please make me look for psychiatric help.

Thank you.

This might mean that I have to share the single, most exclusive thing I'd ever acquire in life - my family.

Oh well.

At least it's not my offshore bank account(s)? HAHAHA

Omg, I'm psycho. I'm scaring myself.

After hours, afternoon.

Hmm.I haven't made full use of this sudden bout of unforeseeable and unexplainable depression.

How now, I've wasted precious time moping & not thinking about how to make money. I've been useless. "Depression" or rather, in my case, getting upset usually helps facilitate my money making endeavors. But today... I have nothing. NOTHING.

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I can't even buy my miseries away. Now this is a crisis. I think I should apply for leave from school again... Do you think Suyin would approve of it?

Okay, I've made up my mind. I refuse to go to bed unhappy. Did you know that I had the most restless nap, just this afternoon?

In my sleeping but active, vibrant & overworked mind (questionably so), I was looking for a list of things that I've lost. I knew that I needed to locate the list, before I could start looking for my missing items. Does it make sense to you?

It started with my handphone. Followed by my iTouch, followed by various trinkets/knick knacks... like my Venus earrings... and my watch. So I followed through the list, methodically searching till I got stumped at item #15. It was my beaded clutch. I couldn't even find the dress that I was planning to wear for Project 859's opening night.

Somehow, I started to freak out and lost my maha important file in the midst of all that unecessary chaos. I started running frantically around and lost one side of my shoe (i can't remember which pair it was that I was wearing).

The scene changed, as though someone clicked the shutter on an old camera and I found myself all alone in a very messy room. I started putting stuff away - filed documents and cleaned out shelves. I even took down the dusty curtains. The room was only slightly less cluttered by the time I thought I was done. By then, I was perspiring. I remembered checking my armpits (yes, there were spots).

Defeated, I sat down in the middle of the room. I remember pausing to lie down (lie with me, lie on me...) cause I was so tired of looking, and trying to keep my head above the mess. I put my feet in the air.

Getting myself out of the fitful nap was almost impossible. See, I knew that it wasn't real, I was aware that it was just a dream. But I was still so unbelievably tired. And still missing a whole lot of things.

On a happier note;

1) Love my interactive class. Lessons spiced up with debates. Very engaging.

2) Love how international, my school enviroment is.

3) Love the new people I met & clicked with; Zoe, Aidah, Jerusha :)

4) Love academic writing modules! Very GP! Minus rigid PEEL structure.

5) Will love my course.

6) Will hopefully not give up under pressure.

7) Will see what art history is like tomorrow before making further comments about school.

8) And and, me has a new thing for shaggy haired boys. Shaggy is so sexy, when the boy doesn't have adolescent pimples or oily skin. Just an observation.

Oh ya, the Da Vinci exhibition was kind of a let down. I don't see why they focused so much on the restoration. And how Da Vinci used some kind of special plaster that allows him to take his time painting and perfecting. Very technical stuff.

Enjoyed the video and the way the whole thing allowed us to feel his enthusiasm for knowledge and everything. His curiosity is infectious. Feel like googling the Mona Lisa now. And also kpo and find out what happened between him and Michael Angelo.

Still having late nights, doing nothing. Eyes will not rest. Am tired out.

When I finally fall asleep, I dream about trannies coming over to my house for cocktail. I dream about men dressing up as women in MY clothes. Makes me feel huge and man-ish. Very disturbing indeed.

Anger is the most impotent of passions. It effects nothing it goes about, and hurts the one who is possessed by it more than the one against whom it is directed.

— Carl Sandburg

Well, I'm attempting to release passive anger, yet again. I cannot seem to figure out what I'm angry about... or who I'm angry at. I suspect that it's at myself. So that makes it doubly harmful, yes?

Breathe... and let go.

I really want to pick up yoga. Or pilates. And focus all energy, twisting self into a pretzel.

clockworks whirring in the wee wee hours

I know I was so so so damn sure about wanting to write and go full force into journalism for the rest of my life but suddenly - i'm not so sure anymore.

I want to do everything, in fact. Why limit yourself, right? I want to work with animals at the zoo and also try fatten up our local pigeons so they’d look as cute as those in Paris, do public relations, organize events/parties, start my own business (off the top of my head, I want to specialize in gift ideas for both corporate and personal – I wanna help people plan their honeymoon getaways, anniversaries), be a tour guide, dive and snorkle for a living... and yeah well, even fly, perhaps? See there’s so much I suddenly wanna do. Ambitious. But if you don’t write your ideas down it’ll just be a passing thought. So that’s why I’m typing them down.

Of course my priority would still be to write. Maybe magazines can call me up as a contributor – and I’ll tell them stories about how rhinos peed on me when I was working as a zookeeper. Kay, weird.

Ok, so do I need a degree to work at the zoo? The can let me start by feeding the penguins first, right?

I'm seeing my favourites this Saturday! Shafika, Jannah, it's been weeks man. Farah? Hahaha you know, i know, we must meet every week, yaw!