making it happen

cornetto,jigglypuffs
jellyjollies.

creampuffs doughnuts

slowkissses.

yesssah.

:)

birthday celebrations

My eighteenth was super. Celebrated like four times; on four separate occasions! With four different groups of lovely lovely people!

21st Nov was with the BACHES (MORE photos okay, i'll go msn and force Rama to send me!)- with a surprise cake and damn stressful card games. Missed them so much.




23rd Nov was pancakes with Farah in the morning as well as meeting up with Abdar for a lovely meal and an extremely suprising and extremely wonderful present. It's great to be loved and cherished. Thank you so so much for making me feel like a princess. Had dinner with my family after that at Vivo. Oh did you know? They made me worry so much abt sneaking off that i wasn't able to relax the entire time?? I thought they were gonna kill me for going out on my bday (it's tradition in my family to stay in and be punished for my mom's suffering 18 years ago)! But things couldn't be better. I'm glad. Alhamdullilah

24th Nov, opah, atuk and mak noor visited :D Sorry la you all... I didn't mean to not reply messages. I really sayang you all what! Hehe, you know that, don't you?

25th Nov, picnic with the girlfriends!!!! Haha, this, i swear was so super duper fun! We ate and drank and payung-ed and laughed (: Oh and sweat and sweat and sweat. It's such joy being with them. Wish i could've stayed longer. Innocent fun, i like (I know calories are sinful but the context of fun in this case is wonderfully innocent)!

Putri payungs; from top right Shafika, me, Farah, Syarfa!
And this is all of us (:

My tiara and happy 18th throphy (: Shucks, THANKS JANNAH!

Pictures: credit to Shafika!

This year has gotta be the BESTEST EVER.
I feel like the luckiest girl alive. Haha

BACHES outing.

It was superb, meeting up with the girls; Shikin, Mira, Kai, Asmara and even Syarfa after so long!

Thank you so much girls, for the card, the yummy cakes, the laughter, "STRESS"!!!! So touched please (:

GIMME PICTUUURES!

I refuse to be bored

I'm discovering inner empowerment. Thus i cannot and WILL NOT be one who will succumb to boredom this time around- no matter how incredibly depressed i am at home, because GET THIS- MY PARENTS WON'T LET ME GO OUT BECAUSE I HAVE A'LEVELS TO SIT FOR IN 10 MONTHS TIME. So i have come to accept my fate. But i did manage to sneak out and satisfy my desire and hunger to see other people and buy things just yesterday though.

So anyway, everytime i think evil thoughts towards my parents-the ones who deprive me of holidays greatest joys (namely Abdar Rahmaan, end-of-year sales, meet ups with long lost gfs who just sat for their A'levels, cash etc etc), I tell myself this;

I am still young and pretty enough, there is no need to feel depressed.

I am
vibrant in my uniqueness and I accept my body and everything i put inside it...

I
am not going to have plastic surgery to re-construct any part of my body (even
though now Najmah seems to have much nicer boobs) and it is okay to stay at home while everybody else is out having fun... it is okay, because i am an obedient
girl who listens to my parents.

I will not defy!

Okay, i think you get the idea. So there, i am reduced to delusionalizing and hypnotizing myself but whatever; I AM NOT BORED :D Oh and also because i read this book; THREE WISHES by Liane Moriarty.

It's generally about three women, who are triplets. It explores their relationship with each other, family ties as well as their psychology. For the first time in ages, i didn't want to turn to the last page to find out if my assumptions of the ending is correct, because even if i did, i wouldn't be able to understand because i've missed some crucial bit of information in the center of the story. It's wonderful really, because the characters are so well formed and just so real.

I cried. Yes many many times. Like as if i was betrayed and duped and wasn't going to Paris with my husband because he decided that he loves some long legged bimbo with nice boobs (see how important boobs are) leaving ME to recuperate from my miscarriage all ALONE. OMG. Oh you all must so read this. The way she decribes Cat's emotions, so raw and so real and so unnervingly accurate to the point that you can really feel the pain and torture she went through. I think my heart really broke and sobbed and totally and completely went out to her. It's the first i got my heart broken, btw and it was by some fictional character. Way to go Nas! Ok, i'm digressing.

And the way her sisters came to her rescue. OMG, just so fucking touching. And in between the author inserts stories of the triplets when they were young- the most amazing thing is it's from an outsider's point of view, someone outside, it cld be a guy at the bar, a woman sun tanning, anybody who observed them from a distance, re-called the impact the sight of these triplets and their activities had on them. It's really unique, the way she pieces the story up together. It's not just about one character, you see, it's about the whole Kettle family.

Ultimately, she made me believe the strength these 3 characters had, to pull through. It's a story about family dynamics, women and ultimately, a big-hearted valentine to sisters all over the world.

Ambition makes all the difference in novels. That's what i think anyway.

Specially for dear Farah

Farah, Jannah!

Click it to view in larger print!

This is damnn funny.

Think back, try remember Farah's philosophy

for maths, that time we studied together at

Pioneer Mall's mac!

lol

lol

lol

frustrating

So i'm made to stay home, yet again. Every morning, i wake up thinking, "Ok, so what today?" And i'd lie still for a few minutes staring at the ceilings/ check my hp for new text messages/ run straight to the loo to pee.

And then after that, maybe i'd go log in to facebook or whatever. Heck, the internet has got alot of limitations. I hate going on MSN. I just don't like chatting on MSN much, probably because no one talks to me online anyway. Hur. So yea, i'd roam aimlessly on virtual reality. I swear, it's getting more and more BORING. I wish i'm going somewhere, doing something. Or eating at least. I have lost interest in food too. You may think this is a good thing. I beg to differ. Now i just don't know what to do, except to wait for my phone to vibrate- just so i can reply some text message.

I've been reduced to nothing-ness.

Oh yeah, this morning i went for a run. I've been trying to run for the past 3 days now because Abdar psycho-ed me and told me that i will definitely have to do my NAPFA test next year, no more running away from that, because it will reflect badly on me. I still don't quite see how Napfa is soo important but whateverr.

You see, Year 1, i cheated on that physical fitness test and this year, wellllll... i just never turned up at all. So next year, Abdar calculated and told me that NO ONE IN THIS WORLD IS LUCKY ENOUGH TO GET OUT OF PE THREE BLOODY TIMES (not in these words, of course) so i figured i better do something about my sloth-like running speed anyway.

Besides, i wouldn't want to get a stroke running on MI's track next year. Yuck. Picture this; my one flab of a body collasping with a BLOODY WAVE (due to the ripples caused by so much fat). I'd rather pick up cans from rubbish bins than to let ANYONE witness such a catastrophe.

And thus, i'm giving running a shot. & GUESS WHAT????!!!!!

I REALLY, BLOODY HATE IT.

I HATE RUNNING.

I LOATHE IT.

I DETEST IT.

I CANNOT STAND IT.

(I came to this conclusion today morning)

I don't know why people say they feel calm and at ease while running. I feel anything BUT calm and collected. In fact i wheeze and pant like some mother fucking sow. I can flood the whole of Bukit Batok with the sweat i produce from just 1 round of running. I pretended to like running but i cannot. I can't lie to myself. It's torture. I'd rather diet and be bulimic and swallow pills that throw my hormones out of balance than to bloody run. Gawd. I almost hate running as much as I hated touch rugby. HUH. I now flinch when somebody mentions TOUCH RUGBY, by the way. That was one hell of a hellish experience. Sports and me just don't mix. Eh, wait, actually i thought the sport itself was kinda fun... until i discovered that i have to play it with alot of people that i don't quite like (yeah yeah, so alot of people will hate me after this if they found out i said this but fuck care la, dammit)

I get into a fit at the thought of anything remotely physical. ARRRRRRRRRRGHH. It angers me and frustrates me so damn much, not being able to function and play sports the way other people can.

The thing is, i want to be able to play some sport. I want to be able to run. Hell, at this moment, i can't even fucking catch a ball. I have butter fingers. I'm sooo clumsy. I can't play a decent game without slinking off somewhere, making up excuses. Stomachache, nausea, anything, you name it, i've used it to get out of PE, or any game for that matter.

Oh, right, bowling i can tahan though.

See what i mean. It's so goddamn pathetic.

for being there.

Today was a real eye opener.

I didn't know one can feel so much, all at once, in little explosions.

All i can say is, thank you.

For making me angry,

then guilty,

then hurt and then so utterly confused.

Heightened my senses,

Sharpened my mind.

I don't really like it but it's true,

your approval means so so much to me.

love,

Nas

xoxoxoxoxo

girls.

Rich ones
Skinny ones
Wild ones
Sexy ones
Innocent, naive-
slutty and naughty ones.

Then there are scheming ones and rather vengeful ones,
understanding ones yet backstabbing too. Bitchy ones come in truck fulls but quiet and observing ones are rare, so rare.

Opinionated and conceited ones, arrogant and self-indulged.

Smart ones, bimbotic ones
and also ones that have no clue.

Lesbians and boy-crazy ones,
Maneating ones and also man-serving ones.

Loud ones, irritants.
Pretty ones, so demure.

Sweet and heart endearing ones too- the ones you wish you can be.

& so, i sit back and wonder, which best describes a girl like me?

& so it's the end, for now at least

Today marks the end of my second academic year in Millennia, with oral presentation being the big finish. Hur. If only i can write a jolly happy report on it. It was alright and i think the group did fine overall but still, my own performance could have been better but let's not dwell on that- there's no point anyway and besides, Melvin was really good and he already set the stage for the rest of us and sad to say, i doubt that any of us, after Mel managed to match up to his public speaking abilities. That guy sure can talk.

So here i am, back home balancing my plate of rice and kangkung (eurgh, look at the filthy carb content) on my knees, attempting to type a decent entry, with intellectual content. I've been thinking alot about this year, okay, scrap that. To be honest, i've been thinking alot about clothes and my expenditure on clothes and the lack of space in my cupboard for yet MORE new clothes but...let's just say that i HAVE been thinking about this year...i must admit that it has been a rather fulfilling year. Alot of good things happened and i'm just happy.

(Okay, get ready for a long whopping entry here, leave if you are too lazy to read)

So the best thing that happened this year?

I GOT MY HAIR DONE!!! :D I'm rather pleased with the result. Really. No more dealing with bad-hair-days, after 17 years of torture and disdain!

Okay, that doesn't sound quite right. I guess the best thing ever, this year has gotta be being with Abdar of course. I won't say falling in love because it's difficult to define such a thing so complex and irritatingly overused. But it's just great having another comforting face to see in school (after my dear Farah, of course)

If not for Abdar, who's gonna appreciate my new hair, touch and stroke it in such refreshing wonderment and awe? Who's gonna gaze at me lovingly and tell me that i look so pretty? Hahaha. And i think i lost weight also because i didn't want us to look like number 10 walking side by side. See, such motivation (: Best of all, it's just the thought of having somebody you can call and talk to in the middle of the night when you just can't sleep, although i haven't exactly tried this out yet...but i know he wouldn't mind. I love it when he sweeps me off the ground (literally) and make me feel light and small. I like the fact that he give me confidence and make me more sure of myself (though i admit it was the reverse at the beginning). Things were really tough at the beginning, having to make adjustments and everything but patience definitely paid off. Life's almost perfect.

Now, onto other pleasant things that happened in the course of this year;

• Farah and Jannah, of course! Got closer to them and hell yeah they are my MacDonald's and study buddies, gym buddies, Ban-mian buddies, complain buddies, cry buddies, laugh buddies, criticize-my-body buddies and to cut it short, they are like parmesan cheese on fries, my whipped cream on apple strudle and toilet paper- people i just CANNOT do without. Wonderful. Now this is girly love, i can safely say. Nothing beats meeting Farah up for an early Mackers breakfast. Oh, Farah is specifically like maple syrup on pancakes/hashbrowns :) Sayang them so much.

• We got promoted! Yes, Farah, Jannah and I. So next year we can intensify our study sessions together at Mac then :)

• Met Nic & Jack. These people automatically became my favourite couple of the year man. They made the 06A1 experience fantastic. I cannot imagine what Farah and i will do without Nic's constant irritating but yet lovable taunts and Jack is cool. So laidback and cool. I enjoyed very much working with him. Weii! Like this who's gonna not do assignments with us?? Who's gonna laugh at my fattyness? Who's gonna be completely and totally upfront with me about things if not you, Nic? Oh well. I'm just so gonna miss the familiar sight of the two of you and your orange crumplers joined tgt to form a heart :) So loving!

• Academically, i've managed get interested in certain aspects of History, minus bloody Cold War. Literature is something i enjoy reading and Econs is well... well? I'm working on that. What a challenge, really. Must change studying habits then. Only abt 10 more months before A's next year. So much for things being "over"

• I like 06A1's class atmosphere. I can feel the peer pressure to study and strive. So yay! Pretty refreshing, i must say as compared to last year. You know, i've always secretly dreamed of being one of the top few in A1 but oh well. Hahahaha, don't laugh! I have a strong feeling it'll just stay a dream. I mean look at Sliv! He's really impressive, coming up with his own published book and everything. What can I friggin hope to acheive anws? Besides, I've got sucha long way to go.

• I realised that skipping MT lessons are alright. Skip PE lessons too, if you hate it. Nobody will come kill you. There's no fatal consequence except, well, just pray that the damned PE department did not curse and hope for you to die choking on your own fat. But if eventually you do, then you know that you only have yourself to blame (:

There's many more, like family ties and sisterly bondings and all other pleasant stuff like that. What a tiring year, really. But I'm looking forward to the next to come.

Phew. Long entry. Don't bother reading all la. Okay?

i love you, you love me!

I no longer have much to blog about. In case all my entries sound so lovey dovey and all of you will just puke. I just want to talk about AbdarABDARabdarAbdarABDAR and more ABDAR.

I'll just talk abt that to myself instead la. *smiles

(This is a precautionary measure, in case we break up- it will be simpler for me to not read abt how much i adore him and blablablablabla on my own stupid blog. Embarass myself only sey later... HAHA)

By the way, i think the Donuts at IMM are the best- NICELY SHAPED. Great quality control. I like. Nevertheless, nothing beats KRISPY KREMES's glazed donuts. I'm sure Farah'ain agrees.