:(

It's not school that stresses me out. Really, it's not.

It's what comes after and the projects I take up on the sidelines (but
really, I can't feel the extra income... Where'd they go?)

xxx

Though I know that what I did was wrong. I feel little (if not none at
all) remorse. Is it because I just don't care enough about them? Or am
I just sick and tired of how they try their best to stop me from doing
every single memorable thing?

I think that they really should have revised their ways with me a long
time ago. It's too late now. I can't tell them anything without lying.
If I do that, I might as well just dig a hole and bury myself alive.
How can we even start cleaning up and rebuild the foundation when they
refuse to trust me? And how can I tell them anything when they'd just
say NO? Yes they're flexible. But that's only because they never know
the whole truth. And trust me; the skeletons in my closet are only rat
carcasses. And this is the amount of hounding that I have to put up
with!

So you see. I've created this, two sides to NAS... that of course
intertwine and gets majorly confused and frustrated, just like you
probably have done at some point as well.

And my parents are taking it too hard. I'm protecting them from me.
This isn't what they've raised. Neither am I the product of society,
supposedly gone wrong. I just happen to be a little too
curious, a little too daring and a bit too hungry for life - I want to
try everything at least once. Isn't that all of us anyway? My mom has
a habit of saying that I always assume everyone to be as bad, or worse
than I am. It's true. I don't think there are any good people left in
this world.

Sure you may do the right thing, 99% of the time. But what are your
intentions? Are you happy? Do you look down on others; us, poor
souls who got lost along the way?? Do you feel superior? Do you feel
like you've deserved that spot in paradise for all eternity... Simply
becase you've witheld yourself from greed, lust, power and all these
other things throughout your entire life? What does that say about
you? That you're a good person?? Is that it?! Most of all, do you
really think that it'll be worth the while?

Ok, I know I sound like I'm attacking you sweet, good people. If there
are even any of you left. I guess I am. I hope you felt attacked.
That's the writer's intention, in case you're still clueless.

This does not mean that I don't have my own boundaries, or principles.
It doesn't mean that I have no regard for Islam and its teachings. I
believe. And I do fear.

Perhaps just not enough.

I just wasn't made to follow rules, instructions and religious
guidelines. Can't you all already tell? It is really not my personal
vendetta against you.

It doesn't mean that I don't give a shit about you and your authority
over me. You weren't supposed to find out about it in the first place.
I really should have done a better job, covering up.

You just make things so darn difficult.

Sent from my iPod, Lola Smokah