Backtracking

A quarter of the year has gone by, just like that and before I know it, I'd be out of school and moving on into the next chapter - real adulthood. LASALLE has indeed taught me so much. It was probably the best decision I've made - or rather, the best back up plan, after A'levels. I must've mentioned this a lot. But till this day, no regrets. I must say, it's the people I've met and the experiences we shares together, collectively as a class. This batch is simply... spectacular.


The opportunities, the people, the exposure. It's all really up to you, to reach out and grab what was offerred. I reached and grabbed - though still not enough. Sometimes i lie awake at night thinking about all those talks I should have attended to network, all those exhibitions at our ICA galleries I should have popped by more often... all those networking opportunities I missed! Oh well, too late. If you ask me how passionate I am about the arts... I still don't have an answer. I think I'm still not asking myself the right questions. Now, before this entry starts sounding like a tribute to LASALLE (as if they don't have enough publicity already), let me move on and do what I do best... talking about myself.


Instead of writing my dissertation the way good students do, I took a little trip down memory lane, scrolling through my entries back from when I was just a child in uniform! Thought I knew a lot. What a joke. I knew so little it's quite embarrassing, reading it all just makes me want to bury my face in the sand like an ostrich. Somehow or other, the name "broccolee" resonates with me, still, up to this day. It actually came up when I named my electronic pet Brocco Lee (it was in a snow globe), after my favourite vegetable and it stuck. I thought I was so clever and cute with names. Broccolee then moved on to become a big part of me for awhile...


I kinda outgrew the broccoli phase and stopped loving them so much, just like how my entries are sparse and I gave up blogging because I'm doing so much writing on a daily basis; none recreational or personal, unfortunately, mostly business and school related. I never actually thought I'd ever stop feeling the need to rant or get the load off my chest through broccolee but at some point... I just stopped wanting to post stuff online. Could be Facebook. Could be that I lost interest. I'm not sure.


I haven't had a real break, not even a short getaway to some funky Indonesian island somewhere. Basically, I've been stuck in Singapore and I'm itching to be someplace else. I had back to back internships and crazy schedules for the past two years... up till January. Buried myself in work. I went crazy for awhile. Till my stint with Art Stage left me exhausted last Jan. But I'm still entertaining thoughts of going back. It was a great learning opportunity. I've been pretty much focusing on school ever since - busy being a student, they say. This left me bored, sadly and completely unchallenged. I act like i'm stressed out but honestly... I want to move on and do more!


I was writing a paper for my history class a few days back and I must say, i thought it was one of the most refreshing papers I've written in some time. We had to choose a theatre practitioner who made a conscious social awakening towards global issues faced by the world today and discuss how he/she negotiates with the public, politics morality and patronage. I was pretty stumped for awhile. Firstly, it's theatre (I'm more of a Visual Arts person despite how i may have seemingly given up on it back in my first year at LASALLE, see how quickly things change?) and I know absolutely nothing about it. So I asked around, spoke to people and settled on writing about our local playwright, Haresh Sharma. The more I read about what he does, the more impressed I was and the more I realised that hey... he stumbled onto something. This guy and his partner's amazing. They really believe in what they do and they did it. They just did it. 


I still think that it's a little pretentious to say that art can change the world. So many things can, really, at a much faster pace too. To me, art is synonymous with hope. It's an outlet for the suppressed, the rich, the depressed... for anyone who spends time with it. Being in an environment like this, helped me heal. Actually, seeing some of the stuff that got sent in while interning with Freedom to Create helped me see that it's not really the art... but rather the story that comes with the art and the artist. People get more involved when you tell them a story - which is why i can't help but question what's the point of oil paintings if they're not meant to be commercial. Come, tell me why. 


I spent quite a lot of my time the last 3 years reflecting, falling in and out with people I love(d) very much. Catching up with people i thought were long gone and then sometimes realising that hey... maybe you're supposed to remain gone. Exploring and learning new things about who I am as a person, as an arts manager and whether or not I really care about money and if that is what i'm really after in life. I still have no clue. Being around art, being with people who live breathe and believe in the arts have indeed helped me cope.


I don't think the girl, two years ago ever thought that she'd be here, today. She was just so upset and so focused on staying upset... I haven't arrived but I'm alive and I know now that sadness and difficulties are temporary. I stumbled upon bliss around six months ago. 


Let's see what happens. I'm excited. Ciao.