Some encounters, you just don't forget the details.

If anyone asked me three years ago where I think i'd be today, in the third of 2012... I wouldn't have had the slightest idea.

I think for the whole of 2009, i was... Mostly pining. Took a stab at some course over at LASALLE that was artsy but yet, not too much. I wasn't sure of anything at all. And i was blogging a whole lot. In fact, I think I couldn't stop blogging. I blogged my heart out. I didn't think i could ever leave Broccolee alone for a week, and look at me now. The last time I posted an entry was sometime in April.

Three years ago, I felt so sure that I met him. I know it's so stupid. And i guess it was incredibly naive of me, to think that any guy could've felt that way about me. I just wished that it lasted longer. Cause I was honestly happy. I thought it was real. Well, it was real to me, at least. I know it was just some kinda encounter for him - quite like how... I suppose one would have an "encounter" with a wild boar in the woods. Have you ever felt that way? Like somehow... in your head, it was definitely more than it looked but in reality, it was just nothing? It was all exacerbated and somehow, you were the only one dreaming up all those things you were sure you felt; but have got shit to show for it. Sometimes I honestly feel like I lost my mind over him.

It was too short a period to have felt anything real and obviously I was never gonna be enough, regardless of how many times life just happened to throw us in the mix. Or maybe it wasn't even that many times... I just wanted to believe that was the case. Like somehow the universe wanted to give us a chance.

So anyway, i learnt that you've met the her - like i knew you would one fine day. You're always the biggest romantic. And you were afraid that no one could accept you and not judge you based on your past. I honestly believed that someone would, and could and she'd make you the happiest person/husband/ dad ever.

I finally figured out why it was just so hard letting you go and why there's always a part of me that clung on to any thread of hope that... could maybe mean you and me. I don't want to be with you. I just want to feel like I'm floating, the way i was breezing through life in 2009. I was young, decisions have not been made. I was travelling and doing new things, exploring new companies, making new friends. I felt, so... Free. You represent that part of my life, before I became this person that I am today.

I have an amazing person in my life today, too. And it has been an incredibly journey that I've been taken on. I'm learning a lot about myself and my partner but I guess, it just isn't what I expected, though. Haha. I feel like, I'm too focused on my career. I suppose it's a good thing? But at what expense? If you were here you'd tell me to follow The Secret. If i want it bad enough, I'll have it, as long as i worked hard for it. Yes, i suppose The Secret is on to something. After all, it brought you back and we gotta talk and meet, in the middle of 2011.

I guess some people, you can never forget. Of course, there were others after him but this guy stood out. It started here, in writing, on this blog after all.

I always believe that things don't really end, unless it's stated in writing. I wish you all the best, and all the happiness that keeps that smile on your face. May you and her be in love forever, continuing to encourage and guide each other, moving towards getting to know Allah and all His teachings.

I mean it with all sincerity.

The End.