yabbadabadoo.

I want to be the girl who makes it.

What does that mean... making it?

It feels like it's been a long time since I've been happy.

I've been working, yet going nowhere. I'm stuck feeling completely useless and hopelessly enamoured by my own ideals about what my career should look like. Yet where's my achievement? Patience, child. Nothing comes overnight. Nor does it only take 3 months or a year even. It takes more dedication than that. You put in time and then you reap results. You don't just touch and go.

I know of this girl, who people want to buy drinks for and give things to. They do and the wondrous thing is that somehow she makes them feel like they owe her something, instead of the other way around. How is it that some people have the wonderful gift of gab.

And I'm this awkward person, who laughs awkwardly and just prays for people to leave her alone when they talk to her at meetings or networking sessions. I have this fear that people want something from me and I'm unable to provide it to their satisfaction. And then they look for it elsewhere. And it'll all be my fault (trust me it happens a lot in my personal life but I will not stand for such treatment professionally!).

Back to this unhappiness that I spoke of earlier.

Did you know that 5 years ago... I thought I'd be able to at least drive by 24? I thought that I'd have enough money to get myself a home (very far fetched, but a girl could plan). Of course, I didn't think I'd be married (and i'm not married) neither did i even think i'd be cconsidering marriage but it seems like a nice prospect! It truly seems like it. The moment I get married i'm going to ask my husband to start a new business venture with me. It's all i've ever wanted. To leave something I built behind.

But now, at 24. Huh, let's see if i even have enough energy to give my room a makeover.

There's so many things I wish I am but I'm just not.

1) I wish i'm the crafty sort, who can make anything look beautiful with some fabric and glue.

2) I wish i'm the goal oriented sort. No nonsense, do or die.

3) I wish i have more energy, and the sort that loooves exercising.

Okay. That's all for now. Enough with the yammering.